'Cause I still thought I had, like, five more weeks to go.

We get to Walmart, and my water breaks.

He was like, "Well, should we go to the hospital?" I'm like, "No, let's finish shopping." I did an unmedicated birth.

I didn't do, like, a no pain support birth.

Like, it's not like I didn't have other support options.

Needless to say, it was the most magical, beautiful experience I could have imagined

Motherhood is all consuming.

Having babies, nursing, feeling the fear of loving someone that much.

Then there's this baby on your chest, and boom, your entire life has changed.

It's a privilege of being your child's safest space and watching your heart walk around outside of your body.

The truth is, I can be having the best time being a mom one minute, and then the next, I'm questioning all my life choices.

I'm Lo Mansfield, your host of the Lo and Behold podcast.

Mama of four littles, former labor and postpartum RN, CLC, and your new best friend in the messy middle space of all the choices you are making in pregnancy, birth, and motherhood.

If there is one thing I know after years of delivering babies at the bedside, and then having, and now raising those four of my own, it is that there is no such thing as a best way to do any of this, and we're leaning into that truth here.

With a mix of real life and what the textbook says, expert insights and practical applications, each week we're making our way towards stories that we participate in, stories that we are honest about, and stories that are ours.

This is the Lo and Behold podcast.

What's up, guys?

I am excited to put a birth story in front of you today.

I was telling her before we get started, I have Alex here with me today.

I was telling her that it's been a while since I've recorded a birth story, and I forgot just how much I love just sitting back and hearing you guys tell your stories.

So Alex is gonna do that for us today.

She is a mom of two under two.

She is fresh postpartum, if you're listening to this in real time or right when we release the episode.

works as a pediatric physical therapist, so you'll hear how that kind of impacts her labors and her pregnancy prep a little bit.

She tells me that she's a wannabe gardener.

She loves good craft coffee.

We talk about that a tiny bit at the end of the episode, and she learned just a ton about herself from her two unmedicated births, and just wanted to share that with you guys.

Alex, I am so glad to have you with me today.

Why don't you go ahead, I introduced you a little bit in the intro, but why don't you share what you would want us to hear about who you are, and your family, and where you're at right now?

Yeah.

I am, a mom of two littles.

We have two under two right now, and I'm a, like, podcast fanatic.

So that's really why I wanted to come on, 'cause I love podcasts.

Is that what, keeps you going in the day?

Are you the cl- I feel like- Yeah ... you know when everyone's like, "I know you're washing the dishes and you put a AirPod in your ear," and then I always think, "No, that's actually me though."

Yeah.

I am a caricature of that person, because it feels so cheesy, but that's 100% what I'm doing.

Mm-hmm.

Is there's often an AirPod in one ear.

Sometimes that whole overstimulation, I need to drop one of the noises that's happening in the house, but I, I would say I'm pretty, I'm kind of a podcast fanatic, too.

I love... Sometimes I bring- Mm-hmm ... my phone in the shower now and listen- Yeah.

... to stuff in the shower.

Do you do that?

Uh-uh.

Okay.

I'm

not the only one.

My husband's always like... 'Cause I usually start off a story, like, "Well, I heard on a podcast once..." He goes, "No, you can't.

Like, if you want me to believe you, you just gotta say that this is what it is."

I read it.

Yeah.

Isn't

that funny, though, how some people are like, "Oh, okay. Which pod-" Mm-hmm.

Like, there's this validation that needs to happen.

Yeah.

No different, though, than all the like, "Well, I watched this video the other day," and I always- Mm-hmm ... say video, and I never say Instagram or TikTok- Yeah.

... 'cause it feels like immediately you think that's dumb.

And so I'll say, "I watched a video," but everyone knows I mean a social media video.

Yeah.

So anyway.

Okay.

So we are gonna talk about births today.

Obviously, you s- said you have two, so we're gonna try- Mm-hmm ... and go through both of them.

Why don't we go to the very beginning, though, and just into that, you guys deciding you wanna have a baby, or what that looked like for you guys when it all started.

Yeah.

We, got pregnant really quickly after we had gotten married, and then, I had expressed to my husband wanting, or thinking I was gonna want, like, an unmedicated birth, so just starting to, like, explore what that would look like.

And I read one book that was, like, an unmedicated hospital b- Like birth,

Yeah, I know what you're talking about

yeah, that one kind of- Wicked, Wicked.

It's a great book

... Alex: it kind of guided our prep.

One big thing I like, I drew from that book was if you're going to have an unmedicated birth, you really have to know what your why is, and that why could be literally anything.

Like, you're afraid of epidural needles, or, you know, whatever it could be.

But you just, you have to know what your why is, 'cause if, if you're doing an unmedicated birth because of someone else's why, it's gonna be way harder.

So that was something I really, that evolved kind of throughout my pregnancy of, like, what really is my why.

And if you ask me today, I still can't tell you in words, like, why I'm drawn to the unmedicated birth other than, you had that one episode on birth vibes, and I feel like that's just kind of what that is.

Like, it's just the birth, birth vibe that I wanna go for.

And then in prepping for it, we kind of learned that there's two approaches you can take to an unmedicated birth was, basically just like that's what you're doing and there is no other option and just kind of having that mind frame of, this is just what I'm gonna do, or you could have that mindset of it's actually okay for you to change your mind during the birthing process, and, like, that's okay.

But, we were gonna have, like, a safe code word that, like, I had to say not during a contraction, and it had to be, like, this really random thing so my husband would know that, okay, like, this is what we had talked about.

But we ultimately went with the first approach of just, like, this isn't an...

There are no other options, other than this, and that just kind of helped me really commit to it.

And some other things that- Can I ask

you a question?

Yeah.

I'm sorry I'm interrupting.

No.

But it makes me curious 'cause you were so set on it from the beginning, which I think is cool, 'cause sometimes people, like, fall into it.

Mm-hmm.

When it came to saying in your head almost, like, this is the approach, that this is the way we're doing it, did you learn about epidurals or any of the options- We went- ... that you could potentially want, or were you more like, "Nope, I'm not even gonna learn about them because I'm not going to choose them.

We're gonna do it this way"?

Yeah, more that way.

Yeah.

We did go to, like, a breathing class at the hospital, and when, even when, like, like, they reviewed their epidural process, I was like, even if I wanted one, I don't want one.

Like, just I don't know why.

The needles and things freak me out more than the support that they would provide.

But, we did eventually learn, like, other... And that's the thing, like, when it comes to unmedicated birth is, especially after our first one, I told people I did an unmedicated birth.

I didn't do, like, a no pain support birth.

Like, it's not like I didn't have other support options.

It was just, like, I didn't choose that one.

So I think that was really helpful to, highlight to other people that, like, I'm really no different than you.

Like, I'm not this, like, big superstar.

I just chose different support strategies than, what you chose.

But I think when people hear unmedicated, they hear, like, absolutely no supports were provided, and, like, that's just not true.

So that was- Yeah,

sometimes you get that idea, that image of- Yeah ... you sat there quietly and made- Yeah ... not a sound, and everyone said, "Good job." Uh-huh.

And it's usually like that.

Yeah.

It could look like that, but usually that isn't-

Yeah ... what it looks like.

Yeah.

And then the other thing I, I drew from that, preparation was, early and open communication with your partner about, like, the unmedicated approach.

So, I often would be, like, in bed reading this book and be like, "Hey," like, "I'm reading this part." And just... 'Cause I think that helped to give him context to, like, why I want to do this and, like, these are ways to be successful in that.

So one thing we really, honed in on was, like, okay, we are gonna try to labor at home as long as possible, and, like, when you think we've labored at home as long as possible, we're gonna wait, like, one more hour before we go in, like, those kind of things.

I know there's some, yeah, birth vibes out there of the mom's the one delivering the baby, so she's the one that gets to call all the shots.

But I was more of the mindset that this is really, like, our shared experience between my husband and I, so, like, I wanted him to also be, like, comfortable with what we were deciding.

And so he wasn't super open to a home birth, 'cause again, I think when you sometimes pair unmedicated, you just sometimes link that to a home birth.

And I mean, part of me thinks it'd be cool, but, like, I think it's more just the stubbornness of he doesn't want that, so I want it kind of thing.

But I also think when I really think about a home birth, I don't find them relaxing, 'cause I think if I would be in my space, I would, "Oh, I could go clean that," or, "I should go do that."

And so actually, like, choosing a unmedicated hospital birth was the right choice for us just because it was, like, a separate location where I can, like, really... This is where, what's happening versus all the other mental loads that you carry at home.

But yeah, just early communication with your partner was really important for us, and then also our provider.

So that was something we talked about early, like, 12, early, like 12 weeks early appointments of this was kind of what I was hoping to do.

Something that I found really interesting, like, as that process evolved is I feel like sometimes you get, you hear the pushback of providers.

So I always went- Into every appointment, like assuming the worst.

Like my medical providers would be like, "Nope." Like, "No, I'm medicated, you have to do it this way," or like, "These are my parameters if you choose it that way." So I always like assumed that was gonna be her reaction, and I'd go into every appointment a little nervous, like, "Okay, what is she gonna think about this plan?"

And she's like, "Yeah, sure, let's do it." I'm like, "Oh, maybe there are some good doctors out there " There are, yeah.

Uh, yeah.

And one of my really good friends, she also said something that stuck with me, like, cultivate that trust She's also an expert, right?

To like lean into her of like what her expertise are.

So I usually would start most conversations like that, like, "This is my, like desire, like what can you offer?" Like, "What are your takes from that?" And I think that really helped us like build a relationship versus like it be a me versus them mentality.

So yeah, I found that really helpful.

And then just other preparation we did.

It was our first birth, so I was like planning to go to like 41, 42 weeks, like that was gonna be the And I was expecting to have this really long labor.

But then at, So I'm a pediatric physical therapist, so I'm crawling on the floor, I'm jumping on the tramp, I'm like doing all the fun things throughout my day.

I also have two flights of stairs up to my office, so like I did a bunch of steps throughout the day.

But at 37 weeks, I woke up to my water breaking, and I was like, "Oh." But then so I like flipped on the light in the morning, and my husband's like, "What's happening?" I'm like, "I don't really know what's happening, but I think something's happening."

'Cause I still thought I had like five more weeks to go.

And I was like, "Okay, here's-" I would too.

Yeah.

And now you also hear like, yeah, the long labor, so like just, I still thought I'd have like two more days until a baby came, which was a little naive of me.

But then I told him like, "Okay, here's the deal.

You're gonna go to work.

I'm gonna go to work.

We're just gonna like go about our day, and I'll see you later tonight." And so he went to work.

I went to work and got my computer, and I came home just to tidy up some things.

And so when you had your episode on the emotional signpost, looking back, I could definitely tell like I was in that early label, 'cause you had like the excitement, and you like had some nerves popping in.

But it was more just like denial, like I'm just gonna do everything but think about this baby coming.

Like I went to Walmart and I bought like nail polish and all these... I bought the chuck pads, which I didn't need anymore 'cause my water had already broken.

But I was like, "Maybe I need these, I don't know."

And we had our 37-week appointment that afternoon, so I had messaged my provider saying like, "My water broke this morning, but we feel pretty comfortable just-" Still coming into the clinic at our appointment.

So then she gave me some parameters, like, "Okay, as long as you don't, like, start to bleed or have, like, an odor," and, like, those things.

So I was like, "Okay." Oh, and then, okay, so another support thing that we had was if we were gonna have a doula or not, and one of my really great friends had gone through their training, and we were gonna be her first birth.

So she was... and that was, like, again, that conversation that I had with my husband of, like, "Are you comfortable having someone else there?"

Like, "It'd be meaningful for, like, me to have her there." The sup- not the evidence shows, but just having that, like, extra support can be more successful in, like, your goal of the unmedicated birth and so she was planning to come that weekend anyways just to kind of, you know, prep and do things.

And so I told her, like, "Hey, my water broke this morning, but so I'm not gonna be at work.

I'm just gonna be working from home.

So you can come whenever." So then she ended up, spoiler alert, like, coming right as we were heading to the hospital.

So it just, it was funny how it all worked out.

labored at home all day, but didn't real- like, really realize I was laboring at home all day 'cause I was just trying to do everything but think about it.

And then we went to our appointment, and I was GBS positive, so there was, like, the recommendation that we needed to go to the hospital at a decent time to, like, get the recommended antibiotic.

So then at the appointment, my provider was like, " You know, you don't..." Or she, and she first asked if she, she offered a cervical check.

And it's funny 'cause, like, in my head, I was gonna, like, decline them, but then when she offered it, I was like, "Sure," really not knowing, like, what a cervical check was 'cause it was my first ever one.

And I was like, "But I don't want to know." And she's like, "Okay," like, "Are you sure?" I'm like, "You can tell my husband."

That is interesting to have it, but

not even

want to know.

I know.

That's

funny.

I

think, and I think that's why her reaction was that.

But, so she, yeah, did the cervical check, told my husband what it was, and I was, like, four, I think.

I don't even remember.

I think four centimeters probably.

So she's like, "Okay."

Meanwhile, okay, right, it's 37 weeks.

I still thought I had five weeks to go.

So, like, we don't have a car seat.

I didn't have a bag packed.

Like, I didn't have any of the things.

And she's like, "Okay, you don't have to, like, rush to the hospital, but you should, like, go home, get your stuff, and then, like, I'll meet you there."

And I was like, "No," like, "I have a, a wedding tomorrow that you and I are both are going to." Like, " I still have days before this baby's coming." She's like, "You don't." And I was like, "But I do." And so just that denial was really, really strong.

So then we Went home, and now I'm, like, unpacking every Amazon box that just showed up, trying to delay this process even further, and my husband's starting to get a little nervous now 'cause he knows that we need this antibiotic, and we have 10 minutes to the hospital.

It's not that

far.

And then- Okay, I'm

interrupting again.

I'm sorry.

No.

Are you contracting at all during the day?

Like you said, "I'm, was laboring at home," were you noticing contractions, or were they getting closer- I don't think- ... or were you kind of like, not really?

Yeah.

Okay.

And then my friend shows up, my doula shows up.

So my husband had, like, screamo heavy metal music playing in the background 'cause I had asked him to play music while we packed just to, like, lighten the mood, and that's what he chose.

And I didn't really, like, think anything of it 'cause it's just on all the time, and my friend was like, "Do you want this kind of music, or do you want, like, something more calm?"

or I'm like, "Oh, I don't know, maybe something more calm." So she was a saving grace 'cause she just kind of had that, like, outside perspective of what was really going on.

So we drove to the hospital, and on the way there, I, was procrastinating to get my contacts from the eye doctor, and so I asked my husband, I was like, "Hey," I mean, you can say no, but, "Can we stop at the eye doctor to get my contacts on the way?"

And he goes, "No." And I was like, "Oh, okay, fine, whatever." And he's just, like, racing through town.

I'm like, "You have to wait for, like, she's following us. You can't just, like, leave her in the dust." And we get to the hospital, and by then the contractions are, like, starting to be a little more noticeable.

And then, then you had one episode on, like, nurses, and I always laugh.

I've had two births now, and, like, the first nurse that talks to me at the hospital, I always feel so bad, but I just feel like I, I don't receive them well 'cause I'm ob- I'm in labor, and it's just, like, the first person that says something.

But she wanted to, I think she wanted, like, she also offered a cervical exam, and I was like, "No," like, "My doctor just did one.

I don't really know, like, what that would offer me right now." But I'm also a people pleaser, so then I'm like, "I'm really sorry," and she's like, "You don't have to apologize." And we then had some trouble finding the baby's heart rate just 'cause she had descended so low, so, like, where they thought she was gonna be, she wasn't.

So then they called the provider just to, like, gather more information.

But then once they hooked up the IV, they kind of left us in the bathroom, like, to labor on our own.

And I mean, long story short, it was, like, the most beautiful labor I think you could describe.

Like, I had my doula, I had my husband.

It, we were, like, left alone.

I labored on the toilet for, like, most of it, and they did tell me that, like, once my, if I had the urge to push, that I needed to kind of, like, transition back to the bed.

And as I was sitting there, like, I had, like, the fetal, ejection reaction Ejection reflex

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

And so I, like, let, let that happen a couple of times, and my doula could tell what was happening, but I think my husband was oblivious to what was happening.

And I felt a little rebel-ish 'cause I was like, "Well, they don't know if I don't tell them." It's true.

And- Unless they're watching you maybe.

Yeah.

They can tell.

Yeah.

And then I ha- I remember having this distinct thought, though, of like, I had done all this prep of, like, what contractions would typically feel like, but I was like, "I've never really pushed out a baby."

Like, I don't know, does it happen after, like, two pushes?

Does it take forever?

I don't really wanna have a baby on the toilet, so then I, like, obliged and went to the bed.

And yeah, needless to say, it was, like, the most magical, like, beautiful experience I could have imagined.

And, I mean, I think there was a lot of things that are packed into that, right?

Like, I had, the appropriate support.

it wasn't just that, like, I was this rock star that did a unmedicated birth.

Like, there was just very much things around me that supported that, and which I really hold onto because I, after that birth, like, I've heard other birth stories of, like, it was a 52-hour labor, and, like, it resulted in, like, whatever, like, an undesired outcome, but still a really positive birth because of, who was with them and, like, feeling heard and all those things.

And so I think that was a big testimony to why that, birth, like, was so magical for me.

All right, I have to ask you a question again.

Yeah.

You're making me wanna ask you questions.

You said you went back to the bed to push.

Did you have preferences about where to deliver?

Oh.

I know you said, "Oh, I want...

I'm gonna leave the toilet.

Yeah, I do want to." Did you have preferences about what the pushing actually looked like when you did go back into the room?

Mm-hmm.

We had, kinda discussed those, like, at, like, at our prenatal appointments, and my provider was really open to, however I wanted to.

I think her biggest preference was that it, was just on the bed just from a, I think, sanitary perspective, would be my guess, but maybe not.

I don't know.

'Cause I kind of transitioned between, like, on all fours, sideline, and I even, like, did try my back at one point 'cause I could... I, I had heard that it can kind of be, like, a resting position for, like, the mom when she's laboring just 'cause you can lay down.

But baby was just so low that that never felt super comfortable.

I ended up delivering on all fours, but the funny thing was I had my glasses on 'cause my husband wouldn't let me Stopped taking my contacts Get those contacts.

Yeah.

And so at some point, I don't know if my doula or one of the nurse, grabbed them, but they had taken them off at some point, so then when she delivered, they're like, "Oh, do you wanna see your baby?"

I'm like, "But I can't see her." "I don't have my glasses on." So there's a video, I don't know who took it, but someone taking this video of me asking like, "Yeah, but I just... I can't see her." That's really cute.

And so yeah, it was, really comical.

But, we live in, like, a town of 15,000 people, so I think smaller to most people.

And I think I had reservations delivering at, like, a smaller hospital, kinda like questioning their abilities.

But really, it's the most best place to deliver 'cause you have... I had, like, two to one nurses.

I was, like, the only person there, and I basically had, like, four doulas all around, all around me and,

Yeah, so the nurses there are really, really special, which I think I just wanna, like, applaud you all, 'cause you guys all do such a good job, job.

Oh, and then that first nurse, I later came to find out she's, like, a mom of six or something like that, and I was like, "I really should've been nicer to her."

"She, she really knows what she's doing." Oh my gosh, she probably understood you better than

anyone, actually.

So you didn't need to do

anything differently.

Yeah, really, really

well.

And then so for my, second birth, when we were, like, prepping for that, I was a bit... It was still, like, the game plan to, like, do an unmedicated birth, but I, I held more space, like mental space, to prep for, like, other scenarios.

Cause I, I had more of the mindset this time, like, if it led to, another scenario, like, I still wanted to have my voice in those.

I listened to, like, all your episodes on inductions, and I listened to, like, the C-section episodes.

And again, I don't know if it's just, like, the blur of delivery, but I couldn't tell you what those preferences are now, even though I spent time preparing for them.

and then a couple of things that stood out to me from that preparation was... ' Cause we had a girl the first time, so then, in that pregn- like, in the second pregnancy, I just assumed, I think I assumed that everyone, like, got their little boy circumcised.

So then, like, three or four weeks before delivery, I, like, ran into, like, a million people, it felt like, that were going the other way.

Then I was just like, "What's ha-" I just assumed that this is what people did, and now I'm like, "Is it what you do?

Is it not what you And, like, your birth course, like, had a section in that.

Like, I consulted that.

But something that really stood out to me was I had gone on, like, a- Facebook mothers page or whatever, and, like, this was so stressful to me 'cause I just, like, I wanted to make the, quote-unquote, like, right decision, and I just felt like what I thought was the right decision wasn't the decision anymore, and, also just, like, that social pressure, I guess.

I don't know.

And, and we didn't find out what we were having with either, babies, and so I just think that unending, like, uncertainty, like, well, I didn't have to do it the first time, so I didn't really have to even think about it, versus if I had a boy the second time, like, it is a decision.

But I remember going on that, discussion board, and the question that I, like, proposed to everyone was, if you had decided to do a circumcision, like, when did you do it?

did you do it day two?

Did you wait two weeks?

And I got s- so much, like, backlash, like, on this post of, you know, like, the best time to do it is never.

And I was like, "But that's not the question." Like, my question was, If you had done it, like, with your children, like, from, like, your experience, when was best?

And I just remember feeling, really unheard in that, experience because, right, like, this young mom was just trying to, like, try to find the right answers for her family and, like, trying to find, like, okay, if this was the decision that I made, I now want to, , know that I'm making the most optimal, like, decision out of that.

And then something you had said, in your Facebook group was, I had actually posted something about, the GBS protocol and, like, did people do the antibiotics?

Did they not?

' Cause with our first, we only got the one round in when, the optimal is the two rounds.

And you had said something that stuck with me was that, everyone's gonna provide, their input based off of their experience.

if they chose not to do the antibiotic, but then, like, it had positive results, they're obviously gonna speak from, that experience versus if that same person had declined it and then maybe had some complications following, they would have given you a totally different answer.

And I was like, "H- Whoa!"

Like, I just, I've never, like, taken advice in that-

I remember this- Yeah.

... actually in the chat or in the group.

Mm-hmm.

I just have never,

like, taken advice in that context before, and so then it made me think back to that conversation or that topic of circumcision of, yeah, like, all these... And I think the events happened backwards.

I think that conversation happened first, and then that's why I was so s- specific in my question of the circumcision of, this is the parameters of how I want you to respond, and- Yeah, no one did.

But, so just, yeah, some of those things stuck out to me during our second preparation of, if our second birth didn't go quite as similar to the first one.

Hey friend, quick pause for just a second.

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This birth course will not tell you what kind of birth you should want, and nobody has the right to do that.

It is about helping you understand what's happening in your body, what your options actually are, and how to walk into your birth feeling grounded, excited, ready, instead of overwhelmed and scared.

When you have education like this, everything changes, your mindset, your conversations with your care team, and the birth experience itself.

No more relying on random opinions, okay?

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Okay, let's get you back to the episode

To- Can I ask

you a question again?

Yeah.

Sorry.

No, that's great.

I'm just supposed to let you say it.

But was there a specific reason you thought, "I want..." I mean, I know you mentioned, "I want to make sure I have my voice in the second one, like regardless- Mm-hmm ... of what happens," and your first experience was so ideal, sounds like- Mm-hmm

for you more or less.

And so was that truly just kind of the only reason you thought, "I just want to learn, like, a little more. I want to be a little more clear just in case"?

Mm-hmm.

There was not an experience in the first birth that made you go, "Oh, I wish I had known X, Y, Z so I could have had that conversation."

Like were there- Mm-hmm ... experiences like that, or it was just that general, " I want to know a little bit more before-

Yeah, and it- ... before I

step into this second one"?

Yeah.

I think just wanting to know more.

I don't remember who it was, but you had a, birth story where the mom, I th- she might have been a nurse, but she, like, could rattle off all these medications that the doctor would, and I was like, "I don't know a single one of those."

so I think, yeah, just having a better understanding of the different outcomes.

I also had listened to an episode on a different platform of, there's kind of like this funny scenario when, like, a woman has, like, a really positive unmedicated birth.

They're like, "Oh, I'm gonna become a doula 'cause I think everyone should have a birth like I had."

and I'd, like, I've thought that same thought before of like, "I wish I could give this experience to every mom," when in reality, like, not every person would want the same birth that I had.

And, like, being a great birth support is recognizing that, and that really hit home for me, too, of, okay, like I could have a different birthing experience with the second, and I want it to be just as positive, and so, like, what other ways could that, like, kind of transform?

yeah.

So I just wanted to kind of learn more about those, but they never seem to stick 'cause I could... Still, I couldn't tell you what kind of induction- You already forgot ... that I... Yeah.

That's okay.

You knew when you needed to.

Yes.

And then, so one thing that was kind of doom and glooming over us was, we had a friend who had gone a little early with her first, and then so for her second, she just assumed she was gonna go early again, and she didn't.

And she was not a happy camper those, like, last couple weeks.

And so I told myself I was not gonna do the same thing.

Like, I was still gonna try to mentally commit to, like, 42 weeks.

But sure enough, like, when 30... Even, like, when 36 weeks rolled around, I'm like, "Hmm, this baby's not here yet." So then, like, you know, 37 and one, I was like, "Ah."

And, But then to ample that though, right?

Like because I had gone early with my first, we had hired a travel therapist to cover like my caseload when I was gone, and I think we all, like my team all thought without saying it out loud that we just assumed I was gonna go early again.

So he started, I think, when I was 36 and some or whatever.

But by like 37 weeks, he was seeing my whole caseload, and so what used to bring me a ton of joy of like going to work and like jumping on the tramp with like with my kiddos and like doing all the things, I was just now like sitting there, and I was like- Sitting and waiting ... This is not fun.

It's not good.

No, it was not.

And I mean, the traveler who took my caseload like will never listen to this, but like I owe him a public apology just for like how crabby I was to him, 'cause I just, I resented him so much 'cause I'd like get to work, and he'd get to see all my fun kids, and I just had to like sit there.

And so when you like compare stories, I was like jumping on the trampoline the day before I, I gave birth with my first, and so like, yeah, just some of those.

Like, so going past what I did with the first and then just some of those day-to-day experiences being different, that last week kind of drug on, 'cause I was just like, " Well, if I can't do anything fun here, I might as well go home, but I don't have the PTO to go home, so I have to stay here," and just I would not do that again.

So you just said the last week drug on, so was it like 38 weeks or so then- Mm-hmm, yeah ... when it- So he- When it started happening?

Sorry.

Okay.

Yeah, so our second came at 38 and 3 or something like that, but, and they say, right, like your second one comes quicker, but I'm, I'm just the queen of denial, so I was like, "Meh, whatever."

And so I was, it was a- You're in good

company- Yeah.

... because I am too in all of my births.

Yeah.

And it was a Fri- So we had our first on a Friday, which was just nice 'cause you like have the weekend then, and, and so for our second, it was also a Friday, but it was like noon, and I, I told my manager, I'm like, "I'm just gonna go home.

Like there's nothing for me here to do." And she's like, "Oh, are you in labor?" I'm like, "No, I just, I'm crabby, and I, if I'm gonna be at work, I wanna work, and if I can't work, I'm, I don't know, gonna go home, I guess." So I went and got my nails done and just tried to be more happy 'cause I was really crabby.

And then I went to the grocery store, and the only thing that I can think back that said I was in labor was I remember being really irritated that the line was taking so long.

And I don't even think it was that long, but I'm just like, "I just wanna go home and eat my like oatmeal and just go on with my day." And then I got home and I watched a movie, and my husband got home at, like, 2:00, and he c- walked in with this, like, look of, like, "Are we gonna have a baby?" I'm like, "No, there's nothing happening."

Like, just, "I'm really crabby about it." And then he was like, "Okay, fine." And so then daycare was closed that day, so our, my husband's parents had my daughter.

And, like, the plan was, like, to take her back that evening anyways, but we were deciding to go to Walmart just to get groceries and kinda do those things without a toddler running around.

And so we left for Walmart at 5:00 PM with, like, no signs of any baby coming at any point in time.

And then we get to Walmart, and my water breaks, and I was like,

" Hmm."

And then like, "I should probably tell someone about that." And then this is really embarass- embarrassing to say out loud, but then my husband looked at me.

He goes, "You kind of have a smell." And I'm like, "Yeah, my water broke." And I- Yeah, amniotic fluid smells.

It's good to know.

And he was- I tell people

that.

Yeah, and he was like, "Well, should we go to the hospital?" I'm like, "No, let's finish shopping." Like, " Let's get home." Like, "We, we got time." So we continue shopping, and I had that same sweater on, actually, that, is so dear to me.

And then, like... and with my first, I didn't have... at most, I just felt, like, pressure.

Like, I don't think I ever, like, really felt, a true con- I mean, I'm sure the pressure was contractions, but nothing that, felt unbearable.

But with this one, I definitely felt more of that, like, typical, like, belly tightening and just, that kind of feeling.

And I was, like, kinda timing them in on my phone.

So we'd, like, walk down an aisle, and I'm like, "Okay," like, "that was, like, two minutes apart." But the thing was is I could keep... 'Cause I know, like, the rule of thumb is, like, if you can, talk in between- Talk through them.

Yeah.

Yes.

You, like, aren't that far.

And I remember, like, holding onto the shopping cart, and this, like, old grandpa needed something.

I'm like, "Yeah, I'll get it for you." And so clearly, like, the people around me couldn't tell I was in labor, but I very much was in labor.

And so then my... other than I walked really slow, my husband's like, "Should we go?"

I'm like, "No, no, I just got... Give me time to walk to you." And then he offered to drive me to the hospital, and I was like, "Well, you can't just leave me there." Like, "You have to come with." And so we decided to, finish shopping, and then we went home to get our bag, and then we went back to the hospital.

So my water, I don't know, broke, like, 5:30.

We got to the hospital probably, like, 6:15.

And again, God bless all the nurses that- Like, greet me 'cause I'm just very, like, stoic and, like, I try to act as if I'm not in labor when I am in labor.

And, she's like, "So you think that your water broke?" And I was like, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure."

And then she goes, "Okay.

Well, you look pretty calm.

Like, we're gonna put you in the triage room, and then we'll, like, make a game plan." And I, like, look at my husband, I'm like, "Okay." Like, and my timestamps might be wrong 'cause now it was, like, 7:00, and it was shift change.

And so, like, the new nurse coming on, she, like, comes in, introduces herself, and she, said, like, " they say that you think your water broke.

Like, how about you go to the bathroom and put, like, a gown on, and then, like, I'll come back and check on you?" So I was like, "Yes.

God bless." Like, I can go to the bathroom like I did the first time.

I can, like, shut the door and just, tune everybody out.

but to sit on the toilet was, like, so uncomfortable this time compared to the first.

So then I kind of panicked 'cause I was like, "Oh, no," like everything that I... I just was hoping to, like, replicate everything from the first birth.

I was like, "But I can't sit down. Like, this is just not comfortable." And I have such a fear of, like, having a bowel movement during labor.

Like, with my first, I had gone to the bathroom before we went to the hospital, so I at least had, like, a clear mind that, like, well, at least I went once.

hopefully, I got it all out kind of thing.

Like, I don't know.

There could've, there could've been more.

But with my second, I, like, hadn't had the opportunity yet, so I was, like, so stressed I was gonna poop during labor.

And so I'm, like, trying to sit on the toilet to, like, try to go to the bathroom, but it just, like-

wasn't comfortable.

I remember, like, leaning on the sink and just basically surrendering.

I was like, "I guess I'm gonna poop standing up 'cause, like, this is the only position that feels good." And in hindsight, it was, like, baby coming out.

Like it it wasn't.

And then, 'cause I never had a bowel movement, I was like, "Well, that was disappointing."

So I, like, walk back out in my, like, sweatshirt and sweatpants, and my husband's like, "Alex, they t- they told you to change into the gown." I'm like, "No, I'm not doing that." And then, like, I crawl into bed, and it... So I tried for a point, but it just, like, wasn't quite comfortable.

And the big difference between, like, first and second was with my first, for whatever reason, like, it was just, like, whole body, right, was, like, assisting in, like, the descent of baby, which took a lot of, like, the pain and pressure, I would say, like, off.

Whereas with the second birth, it felt like all of the force was, like, coming from my urethra.

Like, that's where- It just felt like baby was coming, which was, like, fine.

It was just kinda, like, hard to generate, the descent to, like, push baby down because... With the first, it felt like I could, like, feel it, you know, go down, where with the second al- it already felt down, so I'm like, "Well, how do I push more down if you're already down?"

I don't know.

These are all the things I was saying in my head.

then- Had they admitted you, or were you still in triage?

Still in triage, yep.

Okay.

And the nurse comes back in, and she's... Well, she told us after the fact that she walked out to the, nurse station, and she's like, "I don't know what you guys saw, but, like, she's about to have a baby."

Yeah.

And they're like, "I don't know.

She looked really calm." And then, so, like, she comes back in, and she's like, "Alex..." Or yeah, she's like, "You seem like you're in labor.

Like, I definitely think you're gonna have a baby." And then, yeah, so then she wanted me to kinda, like, keep her updated on what I was feeling, so that she could then make a plan to call the provider.

And that was, like, what was hard for me 'cause, like, the sensations just felt, felt so much different than the first experience.

So it was, like, hard to keep her in the loop 'cause I was like, " I don't know.

Like, these contractions feel way, way different than the first, and, like, the pressure is at different spots.

Like, I don't feel like she's..." Or, like, he, he, she, whatever.

We didn't know at the time.

They, yeah.

They were- It ... like, at... Yeah, I just was, like, really confused as to, like, where baby was.

And then she, like, checked in one more time, and she's like, "I think I'm just gonna call the provider." And I was like, "I don't care what you do."

Like, "I just need to..." And it was... Okay, so also for our second, we were GBS positive again.

And we, like, hemmed and hawed about the antibiotic.

And

what it boiled down to was, like, I told my husband, I was like, "I'm not opposed to getting the antibiotic," but what's really hard for me is, like, my two ultimate goals of, like, a healthy mom and a healthy baby and an unmedicated birth just, like, felt so at war to each other 'cause it's like, to get the optimal antibiotic regimen is like, you're at the hospital, like, five hours before baby comes.

Well, like, that's really hard to time, and then especially if you're trying to, like, go unmedicated, the, best advice is to labor at home for as long as possible.

So then, those just always never felt in sync.

And so I told them I was always gonna default to laboring at home first, and then, like, if we get to the hospital in time and, like, can get the antibiotic, great, but, like, I'm not gonna prioritize that, yeah, sanctity of, like, trying to labor at home.

But when we were on our way up to the hospital, my husband did call the floor to, like, prep them that we were GBS positive, like, and it was our second just to give them a heads up.

but it all went so fast, I never even got the IV line- The first one.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

In, which will kind of play out later in the story.

so the other thing is our, my doula, she had just had her, her first baby, like, a couple weeks prior, so this whole time we knew we weren't gonna have her again, and that was a big, not stressor for me, but, like, a big grieving process at the beginning of our pregnancy of just knowing, well, this birth already is gonna be different 'cause I'm not gonna have that, like, same support person there.

And so we ended up having, like, a different doula, but part of the reason why, like, our doula experience was so positive was, 'cause she was a close friend of ours, so it was more that than, like, the doula support.

So my husband wanted to try it just us, but then, and he did.

Like, he jumped in there.

He was trying to, like, give the hip, hip squeezes and all the things, but it just, like, went way too fast.

And so then, needless to say, my water broke at 5:30 and baby was born at, 7:45.

It was like three hours, I don't know, something like that.

And you hadn't been at the hospital very long either.

I- Less than an hour.

Yeah.

An hour or so maybe.

Yeah.

Yeah.

and so, like, very fast and furious, which I know to those, well, I don't know.

I would assume to those moms that labor for, like, 52 hours, that seems, like, really glorious and great, but there is, like, a, a unique challenge to, like, really fast labors too because just three hours ago I was at Walmart shopping.

Like, there's just, mental component of labor doesn't really get to, like, catch up.

and I also wanna, yeah, highlight my nurse 'cause she, I remember I was, like, on hands and knees, and she's like, "I read your birth plan. Like, I know you want to, like, try this unmedicated," like, all the things.

so I, like, I really applaud her for, taking the time to, like, glance at that and, like, honor those things.

one... Well, my husband doesn't know this, but one reflection I've taken from that experience was I think next time I will advocate for a doula just because, because as it was going so fast, my nurse really had to, like, she was more, like, a facilitator of things than to, like, be a support person in that scenario.

and then, and rightfully so, right?

Then she was, like, looking to me for guidance of, like- You know, like, "What support strategies do you need right now?" I'm like, "I don't want to have to think about what I need right now." so I think just having that extra person that can kind of, that can be their job is to provide those supports, while the nurse is then, like, facilitating other components is what would be really helpful.

but the last thing I want to say is just, I'm now, like, in this process of, looking at my second birth with same positive language as my first, even though, like, it was different.

And, you know, that's been, like, an experience in itself.

But I, I really do think you can have the positive birth experience each time, as long as you have the right, environment in place.

It's so true that I think even if you have the best nurse who is- Mm-hmm ... so equipped on all things unmedicated and loves it and wants to help, when you go precipitously and fast like you did- Mm-hmm

sometimes they simply just can't do the job that they are able to do and trained for- Yeah ... and really good at because it's like, "Oh my gosh, I have to chart this stuff, and I have to call the doctor-" Mm-hmm ... "and then I have to make your delivery table." it is an interesting, like how you just brought up, having the doula would've been really nice 'cause some people would say, "Why?"

Like, you know, you, you flew- Mm-hmm ... and the nurse sounds really sweet, but they can't always do both-

Yeah, mm-hmm ... especially

in those really fast experiences.

Yeah.

Yeah, and that was a good reflection for me to, like, experience that because, I had no, like, hard feelings towards her.

It was just more like that acknowledgement of, yeah, she can only be responsible for so much.

And yeah.

So I think that was just a really good experience to take to the, any future births.

But then my provider, yeah, did show up just in time to catch baby.

She was out at dinner with her family.

And with my first, I pushed for, I don't know, half hour, 45 minutes, but with my second, I pushed, like, five times.

But, like, the pushing sensation was so much different than the first.

Like, I had no idea baby was coming that fast.

And so, like, when they're like, "Baby's down," I'm like, "What?" I'm like, "I... Okay, great." I've- Learn to just, like, honor this part of me in labor, but they're always like, "Do you want to hold baby?"

I'm like, "Nope, I wanna catch my breath. Like, my husband can take baby. Like, I just need to, like, be here for a second." And for a long time, that used to bug me, but, like, I've just come to learn, like, that's just kind of how I need a moment.

And it's totally okay.

Yeah.

Let me just say that in case anyone needs to hear that.

That's actually really normal.

You just have to come back to yourself for a second.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

It's, it's, yeah.

So the... I think the biggest thing that I've taken away from the second birth was that, like, when I think of my first birth, like, magical is just, is like the word that comes to mind.

And, like, I think there was, like, a slight grieving process, not big, but just of, like, it wasn't the same exact experience, but it was still, like, a very wonderful experience, too.

And, now that we have, like, our son, he's, like, the sweetest little baby boy ever.

And so, like, it's just, his birth story almost is more special in that way just because, like, his, entrance into the world was so fast and furious, and now he's just this happy-go-lucky baby.

And I'm just like, "Aw, it was you all along."

But, so yeah, I just, I hope people know that they, regardless of, like, how you have, bring a baby into the world, it really can be a magical experience.

It's just really about who you have with you and, your openness to, like, what that can look like.

I feel like this episode is just full of little truth bombs.

Particularly for... Yeah, like, little one-liners where my head's going, "Yep, yep, that's true." Like, the way you talked about prepping and some of the in the book that you read.

Like, it's all so true, particularly when you want that unmedicated But I also love that, the, the reflections of just, oh, like, the way we share our stories is through a specific lens.

I need to think about that when I listen to other people.

Mm-hmm.

Or, oh, when I ask for someone's advice, like, they're gonna skew it.

Like, it just can be really hard to find- Yeah unbiased stories from the people we love because we're human, so we skew it Mm-hmm So when we can find, I think, books or podca- whatever.

I mean, even podcasts, they're, and books are being written by humans, and so it, it can- Mm-hmm ... there can be some work there to try and find, the place where you can just learn.

I liked what you said, "I asked this really specific question with parameters," understanding there's opinions, but, like- Mm-hmm

getting an answer to this specific scenario.

Yeah, I just think- Mm-hmm ... there's a lot of work involved in fleshing out some of this stuff, and then when you want unmedicated birth, kind of fleshing out some of the things that are specific to, yeah, to making that happen.

So lots of little one-liners.

I'm like, "Ooh-

I like that little clip." It's the good.

know we're kind of getting to the end of the time.

Anything specific about postpartum with either that you just think- Oh ... "Oh, I wanna share that," or, "Oh, this will be encouraging," or- Yeah ... "This is hard"?

I think, again, this was, like, just my experience, but I think a truth that came for me was I think deep down I do find comfort in, receiving the antibiotic regimen just because with our first, we got the one round in, so there was that somewhat peace of mind, but then you also got, like, one of two, so then you also felt like you didn't do all the an- you know, that kind of thing.

But with our second, we just, it went so fast where we didn't get any, and then, when we did bring him home, I just, I think both my husband and I had an extra level of, like, stress in a way of just, like, knowing that this was kind of lingering in the background.

And then there was one particular night where he, or day I should say, where he, like, was more sleepy and, like, wasn't eating great and just, like, your...

I mean, you're postpartum, so your mind just goes everywhere.

And so we had a really good conversation, my husband and I, for future births if we are GBS positive again.

again, the conversation of, like, wanting to go unmedicated comes up, but I think we're gonna approach it in that way of we're not gonna, like, sacrifice the laboring at home, but we're also not gonna then deny the antibiotic if we get there in time just because I don't want to experience that extra stress of that lingering of, like, "Is baby okay?

Is he not okay?" Like, all those things.

Like, so that was, I think, insightful for me to experience because I think on paper I would have always opted to deny that intervention, but then having experienced that, I liked the peace of mind.

But, yeah.

Okay.

That's great, and I know I wanna ask you about resources a little bit 'cause, well, you're a podcast fanatic, so Don't listen to other podcasts, but if-

they were going to, I'd love to hear, like, other podcasts that kind of supported you in all this birth stuff.

You mentioned the Unmedicated Hospital Birth book, and I can link that in the show notes.

Mm-hmm.

I think it's just called Unmedicated Hospital Birth- Yeah, I think so ... if we're thinking about the same one.

Mm-hmm.

So yeah, resources, podcasts, stuff that's helped you along the last couple of years.

Would you add anything to that list?

There... Is it the MamasteFit podcast?

Yeah.

The, they have a podcast and Instagram account- Yeah ... and all that.

Yep.

Mm-hmm.

Yep.

And I can't speak, I guess, to any of the social media content 'cause I just get too overwhelmed in that, like, platform of education, but I do like their podcast.

And- If you're a podcast fanatic, you don't need social media.

You can get it all from your podcast.

Yeah, really.

Just pick one.

That's great.

And I do, I like podcasts from the sense that... 'Cause you had that, big city reader, I think, on.

But usually- Mm, love that ... once you, like, find a podcast that you, like, align with, usually then, like, any...

you can outsource from there 'cause, like, they bring on guests that- Yeah, that's true ... they vetted, so you, like, probably like them, too.

But then I did your... Oh gosh, I did all of your courses, like the birth one, the- Okay ... breastfeeding, that whole bundle I did.

It's really great.

Okay.

Cool.

Well, we can link all those different things, especially the book.

I do think that's such a great book- Mm-hmm ... for someone like you, who, um, knew, "I want unmedicated, and I want it in the hospital." Mm-hmm.

"That's not an issue for me. I'm not trying to flesh that out or figure that out. I already know this, and then how do we make that happen?" Yeah.

So that is a great, resource for that.

Mm-hmm.

So we'll do that.

Okay, last question you know I ask- Mm-hmm ... because you're a listener.

Yeah.

What is something bringing you a ton of joy right now in your life?

We... I always say it wrong, but we got an espresso machine at home, and it's just been, especially on maternity leave, to, like, make a latte at home and feel like you're at Starbucks has been really fun, so.

Yeah.

I want one, too.

And I'm sure... I'm sure by now that

I can make them.

So I did it, I think.

And I don't have my husband.

He used to have to make them for me.

Mm-hmm.

But I can make it now, so that's even, like, an added... Is this, like,

making a latte, making a drink with, like, milk and espresso?

Or just- Mm-hmm

espresso, like, taking it straight?

Sometimes milk, too, just to give it- Sometimes.

Yeah.

Um, how old is your youngest right now?

We didn't actually go into that.

He- But you're on leave still.

Just turned two months.

Okay.

Okay.

Yeah.

And you're two under, too, so you- Yeah ... don't even have a two-year-old yet.

Okay.

No, not yet.

You're busy.

Okay.

So this leave, does it feel like a vacation at all?

Not that they ever do, but... Yeah, it's- Okay ... been busier than the first.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Thank you.

Thanks so much

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