Motherhood is all consuming.

Having babies, nursing, feeling the fear of loving someone that much, and there's this baby on your chest, and boom, your entire life has changed.

It's a privilege of being your child's safest space and watching your heart walk around outside of your body.

The truth is, I can be having the best time being a mom one minute, and then the next time questioning all my life choices.

I'm Lo Mansfield, your host of the Lo and Behold Podcast, mama of four Littles, former labor and postpartum RN, CLC, and your new best friend in the messy middle space of all the choices you are making in pregnancy, birth, and motherhood.

If there is one thing I know after years of delivering babies at the bedside and then having, and now raising those four of my own, it is that there is no such thing as a best way to do any of this.

And we're leaning into that truth here with the mix of real life and what the textbook says, expert Insights and practical applications.

Each week we're making our way towards stories that we participate in, stories that we are honest about, and stories that are ours.

This is the lo and behold podcast.

I have the sweetest treat for you guys, especially if you like hearing two labor nurses talk about birth.

I had the privilege of sitting down and hearing Mackenzie de Clark's three birth stories.

Mackenzie is the mama, the nurse, and she's in school to be a midwife right now behind the Mackenzie on motherhood platform.

So she is a labor and delivery postpartum nurse.

Like I said, she's in school to be a new midwife.

She's been taking care of new and experienced parents for about nine years at the bedside.

During the time that she's been at the bedside.

She's also become a mom to two little boys.

And if you're listening to this present day, just a couple of weeks ago, she had her third a baby girl.

So after giving birth and then navigating postpartum herself, Mackenzie just, you know, she saw that need for more accessible, non-judgmental, unbiased, yes, in Amen birth and postpartum education.

So she has created her mackenzie on motherhood platform, on social media accounts, TikTok, Instagram, all of those good.

Spaces, and she's just kind of dedicated herself there to showing honest raw parenthood, but in really educational ways.

And I can tell you, I followed her for a while.

You'll hear when I started following her, when our conversation gets started.

But she's really good at teaching and really simple, understandable, layman's terms.

You will just not walk away from Mackenzie and feel confused or overwhelmed or judged ever.

And so I love that about her.

It is super attractive about her, and I think you can tell.

That is true about her, even in these conversations about her three births.

Okay.

Let's get into that conversation with Mackenzie.

Mackenzie, I am so excited to have you here this morning, and I was just telling you, I know that when we were getting started that listening to birth stories is something I could do forever, as I'm sure is the same for you.

So why don't you go ahead and introduce yourself to everyone and then we can kind of just get right into your three birth stories as well.

Okay, perfect.

Well, I'm excited to be here.

Thank you for having me.

My name's Mackenzie.

I am, I have, I'm Mackenzie on Motherhood on Instagram and TikTok.

And I am also like low, I just do birth education and just, you know, talk about motherhood and birth and breastfeeding and babies and all that fun stuff.

But yeah, so I have three kids.

I have, a 5-year-old, a 2-year-old, and then I just gave birth, almost a month ago.

She was born on April 1st, and right now it's April 28th, so she's 28 days old.

But yeah, so, and all three birth stories are.

All like, my first had an epidural and then the other two were unmedicated on my third I had nitrous.

So I don't know Yeah, what you count as what you call that, but yeah.

And people always ask me like, which one did you like the best?

And honestly, like all three births were so unique in themselves and just so great.

Like I couldn't choose just one to be like, that was the best one, or, you know, whatever.

But, I

have to

tell

you really quick before you keep going, I started following you.

I followed, started following McKenzie on Instagram a couple years ago.

You'll probably remember this.

I think you had this reel that went viral of you pouring your breast milk into your family's macaroni and cheese during, do you know what I'm talking about?

Yeah.

During the pandemic.

And it like cracked me up.

I'm like, who is this?

Tick?

And apparently, if you guys dunno, she's very big on TikTok as well.

Which I'm not really on TikTok.

And so then I, you kind of just like exploded on Instagram there too.

It was like.

So then your videos, it felt like I just kept seeing them.

And you're such a teacher too, which I like.

Like you weren't all doing the snappy reels and stuff.

It was just teaching about things, which I feel like is what everybody needs to hear about.

So that's how I found you is the macaroni and cheese reel in case you so funny.

Were curious.

And you know what, that macaroni cheese video, it ended in the right audience at first and then once it went viral, it was like got on the wrong, got a little ugly, ugly Instagram ugly being like, that's disgusting.

Yeah, yeah.

Blah, blah, blah.

And I'm like, no one's healthy.

That's like, that is the power and the bad part of going viral.

Right?

As soon as it goes viral, then here comes all this stuff you don't ever wanna see or read or whatever.

But that's how I found you.

Absolutely.

I loved

it.

Made me laugh.

Yeah.

Oh, that is

so funny.

Yeah.

So, yeah, let's just hear about like first pregnancy, all of that, getting into that first birth.

Yeah.

My first birth, my pregnancy was.

Super smooth.

I have nothing to report pregnancy wise.

It was just a smooth pregnancy.

I was seeing, a midwife who my, like coworkers recommended.

She had used to work at the hospital I was working at, and I was a labor and delivery nurse at the time too, that I was, you know, was pregnant.

And I had been a lab and delivery nurse for about like two years or so.

And so going into my first birth, I was kind of just like, we'll see how it goes.

If I get an epidural, I get an epidural.

If not, you know, just kind of had really no plan and just.

Was taking it as is.

And one thing that I did that I did not do for the, the next two pregnancies I learned from, is I worked up until my due date.

And so I, at th I think it was 39 weeks and two days, I worked a night shift, you know, full 12 hour night shift, came home and got into bed and my water broke, and I was like, no, I need to sleep.

So, and when my water broke, oh my gosh.

It was like, it was, it was like the movies, like a Hollywood, like open the flood gates.

Just first just, , it came out and while I was laying down and then I ran to the bathroom and I just got in the tub and it was just like leaking out into, into the bathtub.

So I called my husband home.

He came home from work, but I wasn't having any contractions at all.

So I, called the midwife line and said, you know, my water broke.

It was clear fluid, and I wasn't having any contraction.

So I was like, how long can I stay home and try to get labor going here or take a nap because I haven't slept?

I mean, I just got done working a full night shift.

And they said like, you know, stay home for like eight, eight to 10 hours and if nothing happens, then come to the hospital.

So that's what I did.

I tried to, and of course hindsight, I really tried, should have tried to nap.

But yeah, my adrenaline's going like, I shouldn't wheel a baby.

There's

no way I was napping.

I never have either, not once.

Yeah.

So I, you know, I did everything to try to get.

Contractions going, I was on the ball, I was pumping.

I took a walk, I was curb walking.

I did some spinning babies, you know, stretches and moves.

Never had a single contraction, not one.

And eventually I did lay down two thinking, oh, I just need to rest and then my body will go into labor.

And I remember, I don't know if I ever fell asleep, but I rested and like, listened to like an hour long kind of hypnobirthing sleep meditation to try to just rest.

And nothing worked.

And they admitted me.

I got my iv, they checked my cervix.

I was like, I think it was one centimeter and 50%, like nothing was going on.

And so they just started me right on Pitocin right away.

So I got started on Pitocin.

I, I think that was around like eight or 9:00 PM got started on Pitocin.

And then, I kind of was walking the halls a bit.

They did have wireless monitors.

So I remember sitting on the ball and like watching a gym Gaffigan zombie special because I was like, I need something like happy and positive, get my oxytocin flow in.

So we watched Jim Gaffigan, I sat on the ball.

I just remember like I have a picture of myself on the ball eating popsicles, like with Jim Gaffigan on my laptop.

It's like the dream labor right there, right?

Yep.

And I remember walking the halls.

I did hire a doula for my birth.

A little backstory too, all of the women in my family have had c-sections.

So my mom had c-sections, my aunts, my grandma, I guess everyone on my maternal side.

All for different reasons.

I mean, my mom only had a C-section 'cause I was breech and I was the first, and then she just had repeats.

So I really wanted to have a vaginal birth and I wanted my mom to see my birth too.

I, like my mom was gonna be there.

Just because birth is so.

Cool.

And I got get to, I get to witness it like at my job birth anyway, C-section, vaginal, whatever.

Birth is amazing.

And so I wanted my mom, if I were to have a vaginal birth to see, see all of that.

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah.

Because she

didn't really get to, right.

Yeah.

Right,

right.

So I hired a doula, and for the fact of, I wanted her to be able to, coach my husband Alec mm-hmm.

What to do mm-hmm.

And support him because, I mean, I was a labor and delivery nurse.

I knew what was going on, but she didn't necessarily, and she was just an awesome doula.

I had her for my second birth as well.

So after a couple, it took a couple hours to start feeling the, the contractions on the Pitocin.

And, around like midnight 1:00 AM I called in my doula to come.

And basically most of my labor before I got an epidural was just me sitting on the toilet, in the bathroom.

And I would sit on the toilet between contractions and then each contraction I'd stand up and kind of slow dance with my husband, rock back and forth every contraction.

And then I'd sit back on the toilet.

And my doula brought in like a strand of Christmas lights.

So we just, she just plugged in the Christmas lights, just on the bathroom counter, and then just, we had the bathroom lights off.

It was just so peaceful, so nice.

She would like massage my back while each contraction while I was, you know, slow dancing with my husband.

Then it got to be about like 3:00 AM and I had been awake for now, gosh, over 24 hours.

And I was just so, like, I could not, relax my body at all anymore.

And I was just so exhausted.

So I asked for an epidural, but I asked to be checked 'cause I wanted to know like what my cervix was before an epidural.

And I was two centimeters and I was like, no.

And I had like a whole pity party being like, I can't believe this.

Like I want, you know, you just know what your patients

are going through once you go through it.

Right.

And you're like, oh, this is how they've always felt.

And I tell 'em it's okay and it's not okay.

Right, right.

No, it was, it, it opened up my eyes.

I was like, oh, it does, okay.

So I had a little pity party 'cause I, I was like, I wanna be like six centimeters when I get an epidural or whatever.

And my doula was really, I don't even remember what she said, but she was so not biased in the moment.

Like not biased towards.

Any decision to make.

She was basically just listened to me and held space for my little pity party.

And she was kind of like, it's a tool, like you can, you know, whatever.

I don't even remember what she said, but she made me just feel like, okay, I'm gonna get this epidural 'cause I need to sleep.

So I got the epidural and the epidural.

I didn't realize that the hospital where I was delivering at, had anesthesia residents.

So it was a resident who came in and did my epidural and he, my biggest like sore point of my labor was the epidural.

Because.

This guy, I don't know, he just never like, spoke to me.

Like he never, he spoke to me, but he didn't tell me exactly what he was doing.

You know, like I'm, I'm putting the drape on your back.

I'm, doing, you know, wipe, cleaning your back up like nothing.

I felt like I didn't know what was going on and he had to poke, he poked me like three times to get the epidural in.

So it took like 45 minutes and I am, you know, exhausted.

And the other thing too is where I worked at the time, partners could stay in for the epidural and like stand in front and hold, hold their hand with this hospital, which kind of threw me through a loop.

Alec, my husband and my doula had to leave the room, so I was all by myself and took 45 minutes.

So it was just like, not fun.

The attending actually had to take over and then she got epidural in within.

Three, three minutes, you know?

But once that, the insertion part wasn't fun, but once it was in, it worked like, ugh, chef's kiss.

Beautiful.

It worked so well.

I ba I basically immediately fell asleep.

Amazing.

I'm sure.

And yeah, like immediately fell asleep and basically napped until, so I probably got the epidural in around 4:00 AM and napped until shift change.

So I took like a three hour nap.

It was glorious.

Then around shift change, like 7:00 AM I started shaking and feeling pressure and I just remember my teeth chattering and I couldn't stop chattering my teeth.

And, I hadn't been checked at all since my two centimeters before, right?

The epidural.

And so in my mind it had only been.

What, four hours.

So I was like, there's no way I'm close to the end.

And I just remember I got a new day shift nurse and she walked in and she had, you know, 20 years experience and she took one look at me and she's like, okay, I'm gonna set up the delivery table.

And I was like, what?

Why?

You know, like I was two centimeters a couple hours ago and she was like, Mackenzie, look at you like you are ready to have a baby soon.

And so my midwife came like 8:00 AM checked me, I was 10 centimeters.

And the other thing too is I. Had talked to, this was a different midwife and like the midwife on call, not my midwife who I'd been going to, but the midwife I had been going to in a prenatal appointment.

I asked her, this is such a weird nurse thing, but I asked her, could my husband check my cervix at 10 centimeters?

Because

that's not what I thought you were gonna say.

I dunno what I thought you were gonna say, but I'm like, why now?

I, why did you want to your

cervix?

But I remember to feel ahead the

first

time.

What?

Nevermind finish.

I'm like trying to figure out why you would want that, but you're gonna tell me so it's perfect.

Well, the first time I remember the first time checking someone and just feeling ahead.

Yeah.

You could feel the hair for sure.

And like, you know, the whole 10 centimeters, there's just head and someone's, that's great.

It's crazy.

It's just the wildest feeling.

Yeah.

And it just blew my mind the first time I ever checked someone who was 10 centimeters.

So.

I told Alec and Alec, my husband is not grossed out by any of that stuff or anything.

So I was talking one day.

I was like.

Like, maybe you can check me at 10 centimeters.

'cause it's just the craziest feeling to feel.

So I, my midwife was like, yeah, sure, you know, whatever.

Love it.

Okay.

So yeah, once I was 10 centimeters, they taught Alec how to put on a sterile glove and they like put the lube on his fingers and he checked my cervix and he was like, oh my gosh.

And the, my like nurse, he was like, can you feel the hair?

And he was like, yeah.

Like, this is so great.

You know?

So that's, I love that.

It was funny.

I've never heard

that in a lot of birth stories.

I know.

Or seen it or taken care of anyone.

That's, I like that actually.

It's very cool.

Know.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So, and that was the only, you know, 'cause I had an epidural too.

I didn't Right, right.

So care.

Right.

Like, he wouldn't have been able to do it with my next two births.

That was way too much in labor land.

But, yeah.

So then.

I labored down for about 30 minutes or so.

They put me in like a throne position.

So I was sitting up in bed, like in, in a chair, kind of, to get gravity to push baby down.

Then I started feeling pressure and we started pushing and I pushed for two and a half hours.

Yay.

That was fun.

But it didn't feel like two and a half hours at the time.

I had this like, funny kind of pushing playlist of all these like punny, like Ring of fire and like baby by Justin Bieber, just like, you know.

And so we just played that.

And I remember, my midwife was just in between pushes.

She was like, this is good playlist.

We're just like over here.

And yeah, so pushed for two and a half hours, mainly on my back.

Looking back, I mean, I was a new nurse too in a hospital that mostly pushed on your back.

So looking back, I'm like, oh, I was two and a half hours.

I could have done a lot more positions looking back, but in my, at the time I didn't.

Yeah, you're doing what you know.

Yeah, right.

Exactly.

All of us, I think.

And, but we did, she brought the squat bar.

I was having horrible, horrible heartburn.

And so my end pushes just were not good 'cause I had just had such bad heartburn.

So what we did was we put a squat bar on the bed and then tied a bedsheet to the, kinda like a tug of war.

So we put a bedsheet over the squat bar so I could really pull onto that bedsheet and pull my body up.

And.

So that would help my heartburn and it really helped with that downward pressure to push.

So yeah.

The other thing too is my husband caught our baby as well.

So once that head was almost there, once they started pushing, or once I was, 10 centimeters, we called my mom.

We called my mom.

So my mom came, so my mom was there, my doula and my husband.

And then, yep.

So once I started almost, you know, almost crowning, they gowned alec up, they put those little gloves on.

He looked so cute.

And my midwife helped kind of, deliver, like his head came out, but she really let him, like, she kind of got, she took the cord off around his neck.

He had the cord around his neck, which was totally fine.

And.

Yeah, she just popped like one shoulder popped out and she kinda just let Alec do the rest and he held him up.

And also we did not know the gender.

So Alec, the way, the way he held Alec up, like I saw his face and everything, so I was like, oh, it's a boy.

And Alec put him on me and it was, ugh, it was the best feeling ever.

And I felt, I felt so great because all I wanted, like I, it didn't matter to me if I had an epidural or what kind of like birth I had.

I just really wanted my, my mom out of everyone.

I wanted my mom to see vaginal delivery.

That's like what I wanted her experience for herself.

And for me too.

I really wanted to, have that vaginal birth experience.

Because my whole life I always thought I'd have a c-section just 'cause everyone in my family had a C-section.

So.

And I just kind of assumed, well, that's what I'll, that's what I'll have too.

And once I got into the field of nursing into labor and delivery, why I chose a midwife and why I chose a doula was because I really wanted to have a vaginal birth and I had a low risk pregnancy.

And you know, that the evidence shows that those two, those two people can help a lot more than we realize.

Move that statistic.

Yeah.

'Cause the, my mid midwife's practice had, gosh, I think they had like a 10% or 7% C-section rate.

It was super Well, so good.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's incredible.

So, so good.

Yeah.

I mean, I had midwives too, and yeah, it's just hard to ignore the statistics about their model of care.

I didn't use a doula, but a doula as well.

I mean, those numbers are massive for how they can change, like rates of intervention and stuff.

It's huge.

So.

That's so fun.

I love that you, I don't know, just wanting to share something with your mom for such a specific reason too.

I think it's really cool.

Like you said that you wanted that for your mom before you just said that you wanted it for yourself, which is pretty darn special.

I know.

So that's really cool.

My mom, my mom's not obsessed with birth.

Like my mom didn't really, I mean she thought it was cool and stuff.

Yeah.

But I just wanted to kind of share what I do with people every day.

Yeah.

That, yeah, that too.

For sure.

Yeah.

That's really cool.

Yeah, that's really cool.

Yeah.

What about like any little, I know we're gonna talk about the other verse, but little bits about postpartum.

I'm assuming you, like all of us, probably all your postpartums are different and have had some different challenges.

So yes.

Postpartum with my first was actually really lovely.

I had a great post first postpartum experience.

I mean, of course I'm still a first time mom and so I'm.

Living off of Google and you know, not super confident in myself, but, breastfeeding went well.

I mean, I had to use a nipple shield for about a month and then we were able to wean off of it.

So he had like some, you know, weight loss at first, the first week and you know, just kind of, that took a little bit to get off to a good start.

But once, once I milk it, it took about like six days for my milk to come in.

And then I was using the nipple shield too, so I had pumping, going like just a lot, a lot going on.

Yes.

But once we get through those first couple weeks and it is smooth, was smoother sailing.

But yeah, I did not have postpartum depression.

The only thing is, it was the first baby on both sides of the family and the first baby in the family.

I in a long sense baby.

So lots of visitors, lots of visitors.

And looking back, I probably should have calmed it down on the visitors 'cause I remember being a little overwhelmed.

But all in all, it was a good, good first experience.

Yeah.

That sounds like just such a kind of a textbook story in a good way, you know, like mm-hmm.

It went well.

I was open to things.

I knew something like I just sometimes it's so nice to hear.

I'm not gonna say boring my, because my stories are like textbook too, but, but it's like, that happens a lot more than we think where things just clip along.

Absolutely.

And things go well and it's great, you know?

Yes.

So it's so nice to hear that and be reminded of that too, that there's not always a big trauma or a big chaos or this big twist or turn a lot of times birth just.

Clips along and we choose a couple interventions and we have her baby or whatever.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

It's nice.

I know, I, because I teach the hospital birth classes at my hospital and I always tell people like, social media is going to, give you the worst trauma filled stories 'cause that's what everyone watches, you know?

Yeah, yeah.

But most stories are just kind of boring, run of the mill stories and no one's gonna watch that and I mean, we're gonna watch it 'cause we're obsessed with birth.

Yeah.

And they mean everything

to you.

But like, no one else wants to hear like a quote unquote, you know, boring story.

They're like, oh, okay.

You know, move on.

Right.

So, no, it's hundred percent true.

Yeah.

Okay, so number two.

Well, we can move onto to my not boring

story now.

Okay.

Perfect.

Here it comes.

I knew there was one in there.

Yeah.

My second birth, again, that pregnancy went really well.

I was seeing a new midwife group this time just because of insurance changes and stuff, but this midwife was my personal friend who we were coworkers together.

And then she was a midwife, so I saw her, which it was a lot more fun.

And I know this is a very unique experience because she's my friend, so I could just text her about things.

Mm-hmm.

You know, which is, it's the best.

The best.

Yes.

But that pregnancy again was pretty smooth sailing.

Yeah.

No, I was just another low risk, another low risk, healthy pregnancy.

They, at the hospital that I was giving birth at, this is a, a new hospital that I.

Not my old hospital.

They were doing a water birth study because they wanted to start doing water births at their hospital.

And the hospital basically wanted them to do a study, just kind of like prove that it was like safe and had good patient satisfaction, and that the patients wanted it.

So, I entered into their study, and was able to do a water birth.

So this time around, I was planning an unmedicated birth because I was planning this water birth.

The only reason I really wanted to do an unmedicated birth for my second was to kind of prove to myself that I could do it and to experience it for myself.

But the other thing too is I really did not.

Like that 45 minutes of getting that epidural all by myself with my first and having that guy like not explain anything.

I just did not wanna sit again for another, for, for that again.

So, I knew I would be fine if I got an epi, another epidural and it would be a different provider and it would probably be fine.

But, that was another reason I didn't wanna get an epidural.

So, this pregnancy I, around third trimester I was doing, I use the respectful app, that gives you like daily meditations.

So I basically would do a little five minute meditation every single morning of, and I would just practice on taking deep breaths and relaxing my whole body head to toe.

I also started going to a pelvic floor physical therapist, my second pregnancy, not because I wanted an unmedicated birth, it was because I. Just had incontinence issues like peeing myself a lot, which I probably should have seen before postpartum.

Yeah, like before I was pregnant again.

But, and she was very helpful and I just remember one session with her.

She put these like stickers on me and it hooks up to a computer, it's like a biofeedback machine and it shows what relaxing my pelvic floor and then I can tighten it and it like jolts up in a little graph.

And so she put me in different positions with a birth ball and like without, so I was hands and knees over birth ball.

And then we'd look at the screen and see how well I could relax my pelvic floor.

That's cool.

In that position.

I've never done any of that.

And then

we do a squat.

Yeah.

It was really, it's very cool.

Cool.

We did a squat.

We did like on my back, you know, like a birthing on your back kind of a thing.

We did all these different positions to see how well I could have relaxed my pelvic floor.

And what the best for me was, was hands and knees, like over a ball.

I could relax my pelvic floor the best.

So that was just kind of a fun little tidbit, interesting information.

So yeah, so that's kind of how my meditation apps is how I like prepped for my, for my unmedicated labor and stuff.

And I would also watch a lot of water births on YouTube and unmedicated births on YouTube just to kind of, get myself, even though I see it in the hospital, I didn't see water births in the hospital.

So then my due date came around and I was still very, very pregnant.

And I was doing everything I could to, try to get myself into labor like you, anything.

You name it, I did it.

I did everything.

I even made labor inducing cookies.

Some recipe I saw on Google, which the cookies were actually very good.

They were like, that's good.

A ginger snap kind of cookie didn't work.

I've

actually never heard of labor inducing cookies.

No, they probably didn't work.

Yeah, I that, what a surprise.

But because of my fir with my first, how I, you know, had to have pitocin to start my labor and everything, I just really wanted to experience on, you know, yeah.

Going into it, spontaneous, natural labor.

I just go into labor.

I really wanna experience that.

So, and I personally was comfortable going to 41 weeks, pregnant and then being induced, but 41 weeks was the 4th of July and I didn't really wanna have a 4th of July baby.

So we scheduled my induction for 40 weeks and five days.

And again, I remember we scheduled the induction and I got off the phone and I just cried because I was just like, I don't wanna be induced, I just wanna go into labor naturally.

So, we, so the day before my induction, that afternoon, I went to my midwife's clinic and she put a Foley balloon in, in the clinic.

And my instructions were, I get the Foley balloon placed to ripen my cervix, and then once the balloon falls, if I go into labor or the balloon falls out, obviously if I go into labor, I'll go to the hospital, but go home, and basically come back the next, come to the hospital the next morning at 5:00 AM for your induction.

And they would take the balloon out if it was still in.

I was two centimeters and like 50% thinned out.

So.

When she put the balloon in, she was kind of like, this balloon's gonna fall out pretty.

Yeah, like surface is really sketchy.

She's like, you probably don't even need this, but we're here anyway.

Let's just put it in.

So she put the balloon in.

I personally, I know a lot of people have different, feelings about the balloon, but I, it did not, it was not super painful for me.

However, I think it was not painful because I was also already had a really stretchy cervix in those two centimeters.

But it wasn't too bad.

It just felt like a lot of pressure in my vagina.

And, so she put that in.

I got monitored for about 30 minutes after, after, you know, with baby's heart rate.

Everything looked good.

So then I went home.

I went home, I went for a walk around the neighborhood.

I sat on the ball.

It was, it was nice.

The induction part was nice because.

Then my in-laws could pick up my oldest and take him.

And I, you know, I kind of knew like, bye, you know, I knew it.

It was nice.

It's nice.

Yeah, it's nice.

Yeah, for sure.

So they took my son overnight and, we like, just so the balloon came out, my son left and basically I went to the bathroom after my son left and the balloon just fell out in the toilet.

Yeah, I'm surprised.

And it was probably in for like three hours maybe.

And I was contracting with the balloon in, but as soon as the balloon fell out, no more contractions, I felt perfectly fine.

It was just my body wanting to push that balloon out.

So then I was sad, of course, sad about that.

'cause I was like, I thought I was going into labor, but no.

You know, we go to bed, we have my alarm set.

I had my alarm set for four 15.

To get to the hospital to wake up and go to the hospital at five for induction.

And, at 4 13, 2 minutes before my alarm went off, I woke up to my water breaking and then contractions immediately started like every four minutes.

So I was just like, woo.

Like he just wanted to save it for the last minute.

So yeah, woke up, my water broke.

I texted my midwife like, oh, hey, my water broke and I'm contracting.

She was like, great, I'll just meet you at the hospital.

So I quickly took a shower.

I ate some oatmeal and went to the hospital.

But it took about a good, and I, it's funny 'cause I was just going through my old text messages, from different births that I had.

And I texted my midwife, oh, I, my water broke.

I'm not, I'm not having contractions yet.

And then 15 minutes later I'm like, oh yeah, I'm having contractions and I'm very, those second

babies

right?

Here it comes.

Yeah.

And so, yep, they were just right off the bat every four minutes.

I remember once I got into the car, I had to start like really not crazy vocalizing through them, but I was breathing and kind of humming through the contractions in the car.

Being in labor in the car is just the worst thing.

In the worst.

A

special form of torture.

Yes.

So we got to the hospital.

My midwife was there, and actually in the car I texted her like, I'm ready to get in the water.

And she was like, okay, I'll just start.

I'll start blowing up the tub.

So, because this was a water birth study, they didn't have a. Now that the study's over, they have this beautiful water birth room.

But at the time they just had like the home birth blue, like blow up tubs.

So she blew up the tub and started the water process.

So it was already starting to fill up when I got there.

When I got there, she checked me out six centimeters.

And I had, I got my iv, got all the admission questions answered, all that they had to monitor me for, like 30 minutes, make sure everything was good.

Once all of that admission process was done and monitoring went well, then I was able to get in the tub.

So I got in the tub probably about 6:00 AM and spoiler.

He was born at like seven 30.

So in the tub for about an hour, hour and a half got in the tub.

So, oh my gosh.

Being in the water when in labor felt so good.

Like I was shocked at how different the contractions felt.

Just 'cause it takes all of the pressure off your pelvic floor and everything.

'cause you're so buoyant in the water.

It just, it felt so much better, so much more, much relaxing.

So was in the tub.

My doula, the same doula that I had for my first birth, she, showed up basically once we showed up to the hospital.

And so most of that labor, I was kind of hands and knees over the tub and each contraction she would push on my back or give me a hip, squeeze every contract and every contraction.

She did it.

And I just was so thankful.

It felt so good.

And then my husband was in front of me basically holding my hand and kind of breathing with me.

I. And that whole labor, I just tell people I sound like a beach whale the whole time.

And you never could have told me to be quiet.

Like I had to moan and groan every contraction.

It just, that's what felt the best.

It was like my focal point to just move the whole time, and then all of a sudden, everything felt like it felt I was able to handle the contractions really well.

And then transition hit and during transition, I never felt like I need an epidural or anything like that, but I just felt so out of control of my body.

You know, I wasn't ex, I wasn't expecting how out of control I felt.

I just felt like, ugh.

Like everything that is like really is intense.

And all of a sudden I remember this feeling so well.

I just remember the feeling of his head just like dropping down.

And my body, I had that fetal ejection reflex where I just immediately started pushing and it almost felt like I was throwing up out of my vagina.

I don't know how else to describe it, but like the

horrible I know coming out, it's so controllable.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like I felt like when you throw up your stomach muscles tighten like that, the clenching stuff.

Uhhuh, that's how what, like, and I couldn't not do it right.

It was just automatic pushing him out.

And I pushed for about 10 minutes with him.

So a lot different than the two and a half hours.

Yeah.

And so his, I was, hands and knees or like, you know, hands and knees.

My, I was leaned over on the tub and I pushed his head out and his head was out.

And then we were trying to get the shoulder out.

And Anna, my midwife was like, you know, good job or whatever.

And then she was like, okay, Ken, she just said my name.

She said, Ken's.

And she's like, it's okay.

Ken's.

And just, I, I heard the slightest tone in her voice change and I was like, oh no, like this is gonna be a shoulder dystocia.

Like this is a shoulder dystocia because the head is out and the shoulder was not coming out.

She had me, lunge one leg and push, still kind of under the water.

And then she had me, get up above the water and like, squat, push that didn't change, get his head out.

So at that point she was like, Kenzie, we get to the bed.

So I. Walked out of the tub and granted the tub was right next to the bed.

It was a couple steps.

Yeah.

But,

but there's a head out of you.

Correct?

Yeah.

I have a head outta me.

Yeah.

So wild.

Yeah.

Yes.

And I got out of the tub and I knew as a labor and delivery nurse, I knew that this was an emergency.

I knew what to do as well, or what they were going to have me do.

So I immediately like just booked it.

Got onto the bed and they put the head of the bed down, put me in, it's called Mc Roberts position for people listening where you're laying very flat and two people hold your legs, push your legs back really far, like a really exaggerated squat while you're laying on your back.

And then someone was putting pubic bone pressure or pressure right above my pubic bone to try to help push the shoulder out.

'Cause what was happening was the shoulder was getting stuck under my pubic bone.

So once I got onto the bed and laid down the next contraction, the next push he popped out.

So it was about a minute long.

And he had the cord wrapped around his neck too, so that like didn't help him in coming out and transitioning.

So he came out.

So once I got onto the bed is when they had pulled the emergency light.

And so once I got to the bed, the NICU team was there.

There was a ob, GYN who came in, obviously another nurse.

So lots of people were there.

But no one really, the OB didn't need to deliver 'cause the head was out.

I mean, by the time he walked in, he was being born.

And he came out and went onto my chest and he was very blue, very limp, not.

He was not like in life at the moment.

He got onto my belly and obviously I just go into nurse mode.

I'm like stimulating him.

The, another nurse is stimulating him.

We're just kind of waiting for my, midwife to cut the cord so we could go to the warmer.

But I remember, or like back on, on my birth video, the very first thing I say when he comes out is, is the NICU team coming?

Which I'm like, such a sad that like, you know, that's the first thing I say.

That's like your first thought.

Yeah.

And such a nursing, but you're a nurse Exactly.

Way.

Yeah.

And also in my video, and I remember this too, and I really appreciate it, was the nurse said, is it okay?

As she, as she was kind of taking him off to bring to the warmer, she said, is it okay if I take him to the warmer?

And I just thought.

In this moment where it's an emergency, you were able to say, is it okay?

She still

asked.

Yeah.

And still asked for consent.

That's great.

Like, I just thought, wow.

In, in the moment I was like, yes.

You know, take him.

But I just really appreciated that.

And once he got to the warmer, it was like a minute, and he was pink and crying and he was okay.

He needed a little bit of, like oxygen.

They didn't need to give him any breaths or anything, but just some extra oxygen while he was crying.

And my only like, kind of sore point about that birth too is the NICU team wasn't explaining what they were doing, to like what was going on.

They were just very focused in what they were doing, which I understand, you know.

Totally.

But where I, where I work usually once they've stabilized baby, the.

The neonatal nurse practitioner always comes over to the bed and introduces herself, says exactly what happened and what she did, to the parents.

And they never did that with me.

They just kind of stabilized him and then left.

And I was like, that is super weird.

Like, I don't know.

I wanted you to like explain what was going on anyway.

Well it feels like also even if you, if they're like, oh, she's a nurse, she doesn't need it.

Well what about your husband?

You know, like, right.

We've had a, right, we had a birth where babe needed some CP Pap and all this stuff at the bedside, and the nurse, the NMP did a great job of telling Kelvin, like, everything going on, like, I was worried too.

I'm not a NICU nurse, I'm labor delivery nurse anyways.

But I appreciated it as like, even if I know everything, you know, like in quota, but everything.

Like my husband does not and that's his baby.

Yeah.

And you're just doing medical things to it.

So I, I mean, I Right.

Ultimately, I'm just agreeing with you that even if the mom is a healthcare professional or a NICU nurse or whatever, what about Absolutely.

The other person standing there.

So,

well, and they didn't know, the NICU team at least did not, didn't know, know that I was a nurse.

Right,

right.

So it is, so I was

like, this is even like, whatcha guys doing?

Because I ultimately was like, Hey, what's going on?

Like, what, what's happening?

And one nurse said, we're doing blow by, and I knew what that meant, but like they didn't know that, that, that I knew what that meant.

They didn't know I was a nurse.

Right.

That's a weird word to any person.

Right.

And for people listening, blow by just means they were giving some oxygen or just kind of holding oxygen in front of his nose and mouth so he could just have some extra oxygen.

But anyway, so he was stabilized in the warmer about like 10, 15 minutes and then he came onto my chest.

And yeah, that he was, his face was definitely bruised.

But otherwise he was good.

Then we weighed him and he was 10 pounds and six ounces.

He was

large.

How big was your first, you didn't say what was the difference?

Oh, yeah.

My first was eight, seven.

Okay.

So big baby as well, honestly.

But that, yeah, two pounds more.

That's wild.

As a big baby.

Yes.

And

I, I had no gestational diabetes.

I had no, like, nothing was that different.

I, I look, looking back, I looked huge, but even I had a 32 week growth ultrasound.

He was measuring 50th percentile, so he just came out ginormous.

So yeah, so, and that makes, and then the shoulder to socia made more sense because, you know, with bigger babies have a higher risk of a shoulder.

Getting stuck.

So, yep.

That post and looking back, that birth, while it was very dramatic, I didn't feel like I left with trauma.

Because I mean, I think education is everything.

I knew what was going on during the time, and everything turned out okay too.

So I didn't, I, I felt like it was handled all well and stuff, so I didn't leave with a bunch.

You know, I think someone else going through that could have absolutely had a traumatic experience with that.

But I like to call it more dramatic for me in my perception of it.

My postpartum experience with him was so bad.

I had postpartum depression.

You basically like right at two weeks.

I was having just really negative thoughts about myself, just thinking that I was a horrible mom and my kids shouldn't have me as a mom.

And just stuff that I've never thought before.

And once I started having those thoughts, I was like, wow, this is like, I, I'm depressed.

Like this is not me.

I also like other things that I didn't realize were symptoms of postpartum depression at the time was no appetite.

Like I had no, I mean, I was hungry, I was eating 'cause I was hungry, but nothing tasted good.

Nothing sounded good.

I just felt super numb.

Like I was under the impression that with postpartum depression you'd be crying or feeling sadness, but I didn't feel sad.

I just felt so numb.

And in my head I was thinking, well, I'm just in survival mode.

Numbness, but looking back, it wasn't survival mode.

I was just, I was just depressed.

And yeah, once I started having those thoughts, that that's when I realized like, oh, I'm this problem.

So I got on antidepressants and, took a couple weeks to work, but totally changed my whole postpartum experience around it.

Got a lot better after I started on those.

So I have a question.

Did you then reach out to your midwife, it sounds like before your six week follow up, like you were calling before?

Yes.

And getting help.

That's awesome.

Because I feel like

I called

most wouldn't, they would wait for the six week and see how it's going, you know?

Yeah, no, I called, I was probably like two and a half, three weeks postpartum.

Yeah.

Okay.

When I called.

That's great.

And I

was like, I'm not doing something's going

on.

Yeah.

That's awesome.

Yeah.

For you to do that.

Yeah.

Right, right.

My, and I felt, you know, like sad and not embarrassed by it, but I was just kind of like, what the heck?

I didn't have it with my first, why am I, why is it this way this time?

But, you know, every, every baby's, every postpartum is different.

My baby, my second, he had a tongue and lip and cheek tie.

And so he couldn't latch very well and he would just get so much air when he would nurse.

So he would cry for like 45 minutes straight after every feeding.

And it was just, I'd be afraid to feed him.

'cause I would just be like, he's so peaceful right now.

And then he is going to eat and then be uncomfortable.

And ultimately we had that like lasered and we had to do stretches and all this stuff, and it, and it went well.

And then he was, we were able to breastfeed for 18 months, so that was good.

But the, the very beginning was just with the depression and the feeding issues.

It was not fun.

And just going from one to two, I felt guilty, you know, not giving my first attention as much.

So it was a, it was a hard transition and I really didn't feel like it got better until, like four months, like my whole maternity leave.

I, it was just a lot, a lot of overstimulation, just learning to have a lot more chaos and have two, two little things to look after, you know?

Yeah.

You know, I have similar experiences just in like zero to one.

And my first, everything actually went really well, you know, which often I. It's that first time that everyone's like, oh Lord, all of it was just so confusing and hard.

And then it was my second baby, the one to two, that whole postpartum transition, et cetera.

That was the one that for me, just like took my feet out from under me.

So I like throwing that out there and like sharing that.

Obviously when you ask the question like on social media, what transition was your hardest, you get a lot of answers and postpartum mental health can change the name of the game for any of those.

But I do like hearing that one as well.

'cause I think we hear a little more often that zero to one transition is the hardest.

And I think it's just good to just acknowledge that they all can be.

And it doesn't, it's not an indication of you or something you're doing poorly the second, third, fourth time.

It's just, it's different every time and you just kinda have to like be ready for that possibility, so,

right.

Yeah.

That's how I feel So many people.

Will message me being like, oh, I'm so nervous.

I'm going from one to two, and I feel bad.

Being like one to two was my worst transition.

Right.

I'm always like, oh, it wrecked

me.

Right.

But I

had more kids, so did you like?

Yeah, right.

We can do it.

Exactly.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, that's the perfect segue into number three if you want.

And just so you guys all know, you can probably hear her squeaking a little bit, but she's got her baby on her right now while we,

she tells.

Yeah.

Do you wanna

contact the newborn contact naps are just

the best, the best, best thing.

The sweetest, sweetest

postpartum.

I agree.

I agree.

It's like nothing like that.

10 pounds on your chest, like nothing feels like that.

So they're

so warm and cud.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So my third and final baby, this is going to be our last baby.

Well, that's our plan at least.

Is, so this pregnancy was actually really tough for me.

Emotionally, mentally, physically, I was doing fine.

Physically.

I'm, I'm very lucky.

I'm not one of those people who gets bad pelvic pain and stuff like that.

Like, that just sounds not fun when, if you have a pregnancy like that.

Luckily, I, that was all good.

My, I got off of my antidepressants, for this pregnancy.

No one told me to do that.

They told me not to do that, but I. Did it anyway because I just, I personally, I am, I'm personally just a person who just doesn't like to, no, I just don't wanna be on a bunch of medicine while pregnant.

That, that's just my personal preference.

I know that it's okay to be on the antidepressant while pregnant.

I've done it if anyone's

curious.

So I think we, both Mackenzie and I both would say, what you need to do is the right thing.

Exactly, exactly.

There's no judgment in that area.

Not at all.

Yes,

yes.

And so, like this, this pregnancy first trimester was a lot tougher.

I had a lot, I just had really bad migraines that would like put me out for the entire day that I just had to lay in a dark room with ice on my head.

It's not, not fun.

And were you in second trimester?

Were you in

midwifery school?

Sorry, I interrupted you.

Like did you start that before or during pregnancy?

Yeah, it's a lot.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

So I was doing my.

Job, like my labor and delivery job, plus doing grad school full time.

So I was taking two classes online, which I've never done before, which is online school is hard just 'cause I get very distracted if I'm on my computer.

Plus yeah, plus the social media stuff and being pregnant and having, it was a lot.

It was mentally just a lot.

Then over the like holidays, I had some really tough, very tough birth, things at work that I witnessed and that was very mentally challenging to see some traumatic births while I was pregnant.

And so that left, left me feeling very just.

Kind of detached from my own pregnancy.

And yeah, I just felt so detached this whole this pregnancy.

Then I started feeling better.

'cause then it was my third trimester and I started feeling her kick and stuff.

So I was like, okay, now I'm getting attached and stuff.

Like, now I feel like there's actually a baby inside me and this is, you know, so exciting.

But that is then when I got diagnosed with gestational diabetes and I did not have that with my other two.

And so that was a real, that was a real hard diagnosis for me, mainly because my second was so big and he had that shoulder dystocia.

And with gestational diabetes, you could possibly have another big, have a big baby.

And so I just felt like, ugh, now, now they're gonna like, wanna push a c-section on me.

And I just felt just.

In my feelings about that.

I was able to control my diabetes for, I wanna say a month, a month and a half.

And then my fasting sugars got elevated, and I say elevated, I'm still a little salty about this, but my clinic that I went to, my MFM, maternal fetal medicine doctors who were overseeing my diabetes, they wanted your fasting number, 90 and below.

And they said any, anything above 90, if you have three above 90 in a week, you're being put on insulin.

And so I had like 92, 93, 94, let's say.

And they were like, okay, you're going on insulin.

But I know other clinics, it's 95 and below and not 90 and below.

So in my head I'm like, do I really need to do insulin?

Because being on insulin also meant.

Technically that meant that I risked out of midwife care and that I had to go to an ob.

And so that was my big, like, I was like, I want my midwife to deliver me.

And so again, this is also just me being privileged and working in the field and having my friend be my midwife.

My midwife talked to all the midwives in her practice and said, I still wanna keep Mackenzie.

I still wanna deliver her even though she's on insulin now.

And so she had to get that cleared by the OB practice and by her midwife practice that she could still deliver me.

And so she very nicely graciously got that cleared, so I was still able to be in her care.

So that's why I was kind of salty about like, oh, I, my numbers aren't that high, you know?

But I ultimately also felt like.

If, if my first baby was so my, if my second baby was so big, then I should just go on insulin this pregnancy because I don't wanna have another big baby and look back and think maybe I should have just done the, in the overnight insulin, you know?

So, I did insulin, I think starting at like 32 weeks or so is when I got put on insulin just overnight.

So, each night I would give myself a shot of insulin.

I started with like 10 units and then I got up to 14 units and that was basically to help my blood sugars overnight.

And that worked well and that's all I needed.

Otherwise, during the day, it was just diet stuff, that helped control my sugars.

I learned a lot about my, about myself, and eating.

You know, adding protein and fiber, like it was a, it was a, honestly, like a good thing in the end.

I also think it was good because I really, knowing my sugars and controlling my sugars, ultimately, I mean, she was my smallest baby.

So I think that really helped in the end.

Even though I was very sad about it during the whole time.

So I had to get cleared.

So I also had to go, I meet, had to meet with an OB GYN and the OB had to talk about the risks of a vaginal delivery for me with having a big baby and a shoulder dystocia and gestational diabetes.

So ultimately I knew the risks and benefits.

I mean, I wanted my husband to hear it too, 'cause it's also his baby.

Like if he, if he heard the risks and benefits and was like, I really think you should have a C-section, I would, would've considered a C-section more, you know?

But, the conversation went well.

I still personally felt okay going with a vaginal delivery.

And I also knew in my gut that she was a smaller baby.

She felt like she was an eight pound baby to me.

And also in ultrasounds.

She also was not measuring, I mean she was measuring in the 80th or 90th percentile, but ultimately that was still like eight pounds ish.

So yeah, so I also knew I was going to have a 39 week induction as well because we're doing it, you know, a week early because of, again, everything I just talked about.

So 39 weeks came, I was actually 39 1 just out of scheduling that I went to the hospital to get induced.

This time I had a doula, but she was actually an old I.

Coworker of mine, and I was her doula for her birth, so That's so fun.

Just love that.

It was so fun.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And she recently had started working at an OB GYN clinic.

Like she left labor and delivery and she was saying how much she missed birth, I'm sure.

Like, well, yeah, here we go.

I see mine.

Yeah.

Things didn't get started until like one, one o'clock.

And I was one and a half centimeters again, like 50%.

So we started with side attack and we did it oral.

So I, took the pill and they did it every two hours.

So, and I ultimately got three doses.

So over those six hours of CY attack, I didn't.

I really have any contractions.

I felt kind of crampy and I did a mix.

'cause again, especially for my first birth, I knew to like rest instead of do everything in the beginning.

So I did a lot of kind of just resting.

We binged watch severance, at the, you know, because that's what we were watching at the time.

Yep.

But then I also did bundle birth nurses, which is a great Instagram account.

It's more an Instagram account for labor and delivery nurses, but they have this early labor circuit.

So I, did that while doing the cyto attack.

And it took like an hour and a half.

It was lunging, sideline release, walking, being hands and knees, like over a ball kind of shaking your butt.

So as release kinda just.

Things to try to get baby in a good position.

And, so I did that and then a mix of resting over those six hours and nothing really happened.

They checked me and I was two, so we went from one and a half to two.

So they, decided to do a Foley balloon.

Oh, totally forgot that she was breech also.

At, well now she's head down.

Oh, oh, pregnancy.

I remember this from your Instagram stories.

And she finally had flipped for you, so you were so excited and happy.

Yes, yes.

From like 32 weeks to 37 weeks she was breached.

Right.

And then at 37 weeks I went to the hospital to get, it's called the ECV external Cephalic version.

So, and they wanted me to get an epidural before to.

Increase the, the chance of success that she would flip, because with an epidural, then you're not kind of fighting, you know, you're relaxed as they push baby down, with their hands.

So, I got an epidural and, you know, you know, the backstory with my epidural, I was so nervous about with my first, I told the first it was like a woman who walked in and I was like, okay, I already feel better.

And I was like, listen, first time I got an epidural, it took forever.

And he didn't tell me what was going on and she was like, oh, if anything, I talked too much.

So this, I'll tell you everything I'm doing.

And she's got the epidural.

It took three minutes and, and I was so nervous for it and it took three minutes and she got it in and it was wonderful.

So got the epidural, they turned the baby.

So what, kind of sucked after this external version with the epidural is I had low blood pressures for a long time.

And that is a side effect of an epidural.

You can have low blood pressures, but mine was like severe, for like an hour almost, which is not like people listening that's not normal to have for so long.

They ended up, did you

feel it?

Like, were you nauseous or, you know, that whole Yeah, I

could feel like I would start my eye, my vision would start to go away and I would be like, oh, my blood pressure's low.

They had to give me multiple doses of IV medicine and eventually a shot in my leg to keep my blood pressure up.

So, and also I did not like the feeling of being so numb.

It really, really, like, it really bothered me so.

That's kind of my epidural with the ECV.

And so going into this third birth, I was open to getting an epidural and kind of thinking that I would get an epidural.

Just, I don't know, just because I, the second birth, it was unmedicated was fine, but the feeling of the fetal ejection reflex was just, and it's feeling so uncontrollable in the, in transition, I was like, oh, it's, I'll get an epidural for my third and it'll feel, I'll feel more in control.

But then once this epidural went poorly with my blood pressures and not liking the feeling of being so numb, I was like, oh, shoot, I have like two weeks now to prepare for an unmedicated birth that I was not really planning on.

So.

Ultimately, I, you know, got this induction and I kind of, I told the nurse like, I'm worried about my blood pressure dropping if I get an epidural, but I'm kind of like, I don't know if I can do it on medicated.

I didn't really mentally prepare yet.

So going into this induction, I kind of told everyone like, I don't know what's gonna happen.

I'm just totally going with the flow.

And I said I would like to try the nitrous.

My, my second birth from my water breaking to him being born was three hours.

So I also knew if this birth were to go fast again, I wouldn't need an epidural.

So, you know, whatever.

All right.

Sorry, that was a little tangent, our caveat.

That's okay.

The side attack, you'd had your side attack, you were six hours in now.

Yeah.

Yes.

Now we're gonna do the balloon.

Originally why they didn't do the balloon in the very first place is they were afraid of her flipping to breach.

Oh yeah.

Okay.

Because they

didn't want, she was already so high and they didn't wanna like put the balloon in, push her up higher,

flip

anything.

Yep.

So that's why that wasn't the first thing we did.

Got it.

Okay.

But once the cyto attack wasn't working, they said, let's do the balloon and we'll start Pitocin with it.

Uhhuh, so that you're contracting and we get her to continue to stay healthy.

Stay down.

Yeah.

Okay.

Right.

So, we do the balloon and.

Immediately having contractions, like every two to three minutes, having to breathe through them.

But again, I wasn't getting excited 'cause I was like, this is just the balloon talking.

Mm-hmm.

You know?

And the balloon fell out within two hours.

And once the balloon fell out, like I had a lot of bloody show.

And I still was contracting every, again, like two to four minutes.

And again, I also had the Pitocin going too.

They were just doing it very slow, but I still had Pitocin.

So the balloon fell out and that is when I called my mom to come and my do, my friend, my doula was already there at this point.

And then I had a birth photographer this time, so I called her to come to just 'cause I had a feeling that once the balloon came out and if my water broke, things would go pretty fast.

So then my midwife came and checked me and I was.

Like six centimeters.

So at that point she broke my water 'cause her head was nice and engaged in my pelvis.

She broke my water and after one, an hour and a half after she broke my water, she was born.

So it was again, very quick.

And so during that hour and a half, and even with the balloon, I was not really ever in bed during the labor.

I was either on the side or like standing, leaning on the bed, or kind of hands and knees on the floor kind of leaning on the bed.

I sat on the toilet for a while and labored on the toilet.

Then it started getting a little intense and that's when I asked for the nitrous.

And so I was hands and knees over a cub inflatable, and breathing in the nitrous.

And that was the last like 45 minutes of labor was me.

Hands and knees breathing in the nitrous, in every contraction.

And I thought it was very, helpful.

A lot of people, I hear that sometimes they don't like the nitrous or just that they're expecting it to be a pain relief, but it's not a pain relief whatsoever.

It does not take pain away.

It just calms you.

And so it just helped me relax during the contraction.

'cause really I was, I was probably eight centimeters when I got the nitrous.

No one checked me, but that's how I was acting.

And so I felt the nitrous made me feel more in control.

Oh, hi.

It made me feel more in control, whereas my second, which I didn't like.

Which you didn't like, right.

Controlled right?

Yes.

It just, I, it took that little edge off that I could really relax.

And I also like that I could just kind of move and groan into the mask.

Yeah.

And it kind of muffled the sound.

Yeah, it just made it more calming.

I, I don't know.

And then I remember I started sounding a little pushy, and my midwife was like, okay, Ken's just, you know, let me know when you're really pushy.

And in my head I was like, okay, you know what?

I'm done.

I'm done.

Like, she's gonna come out now.

And I like, told her, in my mind I was like, girlfriend, let's go.

We're done.

You we're gonna, you need to come down.

And when I told her that, like, I was like, okay, it's time to come out now.

We're, we're done.

I literally, I don't know if I was pushing her out or she just started to kind of slowly descend, but I felt her slowly descend down.

And then I just started, I didn't tell my, I just kind of started pushing.

I was like, okay, we're done.

And her head came out and literally like shot out, like my midwife barely kind of caught her.

No shoulder dystocia, not even in the slightest.

Her head came out and boom, like she was a little rocket.

And, it was amazing.

So you were hands and knees on the floor still?

Like over the cup or on your hands?

Yes, on the bed.

I

was on the bed on hands and knees, but Yep.

Okay.

Mm-hmm.

And I used nitrous, the whole, you know, last 45 minutes.

But yeah.

And she shot right out.

They, she got on my chest and she was really the first, the first baby.

All I really wanted after that second birth was my baby to come right up to me and not have to feel like that I'm a nurse.

I just wanted a crying baby to come up to my chest.

That's all I wanted.

And that's exactly what she did.

She cried.

She got on my chest and I was just, and she came out and I'm like, she's so tiny.

Yeah, she's so tiny.

And really, she's eight pounds, five ounces.

Right.

So she was, you know, a bigger baby, but in my mind, she's my smallest baby.

And so I just couldn't believe, I was like, oh, you're like the tiniest baby ever.

And I was just so thankful in the end that, you know, with my high risk pregnancy, with the diabetes and my previous birth, that.

She was little and shot right out.

And I know, you know, I guess I wanna say like a caveat, like there's still risks.

There's always risks and benefits and, you know, just because I chose this way doesn't mean that you need to choose this way too.

You know, for anyone listening if they have a similar background to me.

But, yeah, I, I'm just, I'm thankful.

I kind of, I just really trusted my intuition.

I, I had this intuition.

She'd be small and everything would be okay.

And I'm just glad that my gut was right and she came out and she's a girl because I had two boys and, and yeah.

And so far postpartum has been going lovely.

Like, I, I went back on my antidepressants and actually I went back, in my third trimester with the diabetes diagnosis and stuff.

I was like, I. This is too much for me.

So I went back on and felt better, and then I felt silly, like, why did I even get off my whole pregnancy?

I shoulda just been on it my whole pregnancy.

But I am no signs of postpartum depression this time she's breastfeeding.

Well, I'm already used to the chaos of two, so it's been going really well.

Good, good.

Yeah.

I love when labor nurses share their birth stories because I think it's so, and it might just be my own, like lean, 'cause I like to share my own, but it's just really nice, I think for people to hear that it's not like all of us choose unmedicated, no intervention birth or all the intervention.

Like the hospital doesn't make us.

Believe something because of our job.

You know, like we still are all over the place with go with the flow.

I want an epidural.

I would never do it unmedicated.

I don't like midwives.

I don't like, we all have our own preferences.

Absolutely.

And I think it's really cool to hear that from women who are at the bedside helping you have your baby.

Like we really do see a lot of good ways to do this, and that's reflected in our own birth stories.

We're not all the same.

So I like, I like hearing that you chose different things and that you're open the epidural and then you did it without, and then you thought, I'll just do it again.

Like, I think that's really nice for people to hear you.

You know, all the things, like you're about to be a midwife and you still made choices with each birth that made sense for you and felt right.

And so I think it's really good to hear.

Oh, right.

So yeah.

Well, and just like with my second, I wanted nothing like I wanted that water birth.

I wanted no induction.

Like Right, right.

I wanted everything natural.

And then my third pregnancy was just.

I'm having a 39 week connection.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like I don't want a day over 39 weeks.

Right.

You know?

Right.

It's just so interesting.

Each pregnancy, you learn something different.

It's, it's all so different and it's all birth, it's all,

it's,

it's all beautiful.

At the end of the day, however it happens,

it's okay.

Mackenzie, I ask everyone this one little question.

You can answer something really silly, stupid.

It could be the baby on your chest, but you don't have to go that serious.

What's like one thing right now that's just bringing you a ton of joy, sparking all the joy in your life?

It could be Cheetos.

Any like big, small, whatever.

Oh, well, okay.

I did actually have Cheetos the other day and I have not had those in such a long time.

You know what though?

Okay.

Obviously it's the baby.

Yeah, I know.

I like the, but to be honest, it's not having gestational diabetes anymore.

There you go.

Yeah.

And the fact that I can eat cookies.

And whenever you want, not have to care.

Yeah, I love

it.

I get it.

It's okay.

It's perfect.

Where can people find you, because you are obviously teaching and doing stuff on social media and all that too.

Yeah, so my handle is, mackenzie dot on dot motherhood, so Mackenzie and motherhood with periods in between.

I'm on Instagram and TikTok and I'm starting to kind of post on YouTube, but I'm not, not doing long form stuff on there.

But all the same handle and yeah, I'm over there sharing my postpartum journey and birth tips and just kind of motherhood stuff.

Perfect.

I'll share it all in the show notes too, so everyone knows how you spell your name and stuff like that too, but perfect.

That's perfect.

Okay.

Thanks friend.

I know that was a lot of stories, but she did great.

So yeah.

Sorry, I'm a chi chatty girl.

Well,

so am I. So we're probably not the best convo for podcasts, but here we are.

Anyway, she's beautiful.

Thanks, Mackenzie.

Thank you.

Yeah.

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