Motherhood is all consuming.

Having babies, nursing, feeling the fear of loving someone that much, and there's this baby on your chest, and boom, your entire life has changed.

It's a privilege of being your child's safest space and watching your heart walk around outside of your body.

The truth is, I can be having the best time being a mom one minute, and then the next time questioning.

My life choices.

I'm Lo Mansfield, your host of the Lo and Behold podcast, mama of four Littles, former labor and postpartum RN, CLC, and your new best friend in the messy middle space of all the choices you are making in pregnancy, birth, and motherhood.

If there is one thing I know after years of delivering babies at the bedside and then having, and now raising those four of my own, it is that there is no such thing as a best way to do any of this, and we're leaning into that truth here.

With the mix of real life and what the textbook says, expert Insights and Practical Applications.

Each week we're making our way towards stories that we participate in, stories that we are honest about, and stories that are ours.

This is the lo and behold podcast.

I am back this episode with another birth story for you, and if you were here with me in that first episode, you know that I use that episode as a chance to share my own first birth story and kind of give you an idea of who I am, where I'm coming from, where this passion came from, right, what my story is, what's brought me to this place.

while my first birth story doesn't tell you, you know exactly who I am, I don't think our births define who we are.

They can still be a pretty integral part of.

Of who we are.

And so I chose to start with my first birth story in that first episode last week as a way to hopefully, you know, quote unquote get to know me, right?

Okay.

So you learn more about me, my passions, my loves, where my story is going from that first story.

But this week I actually am going to share another birth story with you.

It's not mine though.

It's actually my older sister's, the reason that I wanted to kind of talk her story right here at the front of all of this as well is because Jen's birth story happens to be a birth that I got to attend.

I was there as her sister, but I was also actually on the clock working as an LDRP nurse.

And that specific birth.

My precious niece, she was actually the first baby that I saw be born as a registered nurse.

So I'd recently got my license, I'd started my new job, and Jen happened to be the first birth that I saw come in and be born at the hospital I was working at.

So I was a brand new grad.

I was still in training.

I was training specifically in postpartum, and my sister came into the.

Hospital that I was working at, and I ended up getting to step in the room, getting to be there, you know, not as a nurse.

I was technically not working though I was on the clock, but I was there just to be support, love, and honestly cry my way through her birth, then the birth of my niece, of course.

So I just felt like I should tuck Jen's story in here early because it feels.

Foundational as well to who I am in the beginning of my entire nursing career and journey.

Kind of like a little seedling, I guess, of the passion and love that I have for this space and getting to watch people and help people do this.

So again, my sister's name is Jen.

I don't know if I mentioned that to you.

I'll go ahead and let her introduce herself to you a little bit more, and we will get into it.

Hello, friends.

Okay.

I am so excited for the birth story that I'm gonna put in front of you today because I am here recording with my older sister, Jen.

So, Jen, why don't you go ahead and introduce yourself first and then we'll keep going.

Yeah.

Hi, my name's Jen.

I am wife of Michael, daughter of.

Nope, I'm the wife of Michael and, I'm the mother of my daughter named Reese, who is 12 years old now.

So, when Laura asked me to come on and talk about my birth story, my first thought was, that was so long ago.

But it is funny and there are pieces of it that, I can recall in a heartbeat, and so excited to share it with you today.

Yeah, I like that Jen said that.

It's funny because we die laughing when we talk about this first story and it's probably, you guys know stuff is more funny when it's you, right?

But we're hoping, or hopefully we're not laughing alone.

You can let us know if we are, because there are parts of it that just crack.

Just still crack me up today when we go back and we talk about it.

So you'll probably hear us laugh maybe a little more than some of the other birth stories, but that's a good thing.

Right.

Okay, so let's just get started at the beginning.

Jen, just tell us about pregnancy, wanting to get pregnant, all of that jazz.

Yeah.

So my husband Michael and I had been married for, five years at this point, and I felt like everyone in my group of friends was pregnant or had already gotten pregnant and had babies and.

I was really ready for that.

My husband wasn't.

And it took a while for us to get to a space.

And I won't even say that he was ready, when we did have our daughter.

But it, he was more ready than if we had jumped into it when my heart was ready.

And so.

As these things go, it was not as easy as I had hoped.

I just thought, you know, have sex, get pregnant the first time, and, did not work like that.

It took us about six months to get pregnant and, once I got pregnant I was really nervous to tell my husband because as much as he was like, yes, we can do this,

I mean, obviously a huge change, right?

Like our whole life's changing in a heartbeat.

And so, I'm gonna laugh at this and I am gonna preface, Laura knows this.

I love my husband dearly.

We've been married almost 20 years.

We are also the two most different people you will ever meet.

I can attest

to this.

I love him dearly as well, but

we're very different.

Very different.

I'm excited and joyful and, I'm an Enneagram too, and I have big feelings about everything.

And he is not those things.

So.

Got a positive pregnancy test, was so excited and I, get up.

I, at this point in my life, I woke up really early to go to work really early.

I was at work at six in the morning and so got that positive pregnancy test, was so excited and I should have known this was the wrong time, but I wanted to tell Michael immediately of course.

And so I go to our bedroom and I'm like, Michael, Michael, wake up.

He's like, what?

And I'm like, look, we're pregnant.

And I swear to God, I kid you not.

He would verify if he was here.

He looked at me and he said, can we talk about this later?

And he rolled over and went back to bed and I was like,

I was so angry, but also like my husband.

Is well into his forties and he could sleep until 11 o'clock on any given Saturday.

Still, like I should have known that like an early morning conversation that was, should have been met with so much joy for me, just was not gonna land for him.

So, I left that pregnancy test on his counter next to his toothbrush and I went to work, and, you know, got home, had some hurt feelings, worked through it.

Made a baby.

My pregnancy was pretty uneventful.

I had some morning sickness, some nausea, nothing terrible.

I, gained a lot of weight, as we often do when we're pregnant.

I'm tall.

I'm really tall, so I felt like I held that really well.

I had a big old belly.

It was super uneventful.

She, went almost full term.

We were just a couple days shy of 40 weeks.

When she came.

And, yeah, when it was time for her to come, I, man, you just can't prepare, right?

You read the books, you take the classes, you listen to the things and, and then you drive to the hospital and like your whole world changes just like that.

Remind me if you took classes or not.

I can't remember.

Well, no we didn't.

That husband who I love dearly, does not maybe operate under the same idea of like, knowledge is power, and education, you know, makes things feel easier and more smooth, and he.

I, this is not a husband bashing moment by any means, but my husband was disgusted by pregnancy also.

I feel like that is just a fair thing to mention.

He would not touch my belly.

He told me it was like an alien lived inside of me.

He did not wanna watch it move.

He didn't wanna see when she would kick, he didn't wanna feel it.

Like he was so freaked out over all things pregnancy and the pregnant body.

And I mean, I thought it was miraculous.

I'm like that lady who wants to touch every pregnant belly, like I'm an elevator and you're pregnant.

I'm like, oh my God, you look so can I touch it?

Like I just am like Laura, like Laura's enamored with birth and I'm so enamored with like that process and like the amazing ability of our bodies to like do this.

And so he was disgusted by all things and.

He's super smart, like graduate degree, like he's brilliant.

But like did not want any knowledge about this part of life.

And so no, we went to the hospital.

I don't think he read a, I read like every book that like existed under the sun had all my friends who had already had babies, had talked to all of them.

He.

Negative 10 knowledge going into, birth and pregnancy.

And I think he may have regretted that, when the time came, honestly.

So

I think it's important to interject here.

Obviously you all know that I teach and I always am saying get your partners involved.

Get your partners involved, get your partners involved, but.

Like Jen keeps saying, I love my brother-in-law.

He is, he makes me laugh more than anyone on the planet.

I love this man, but he's also not abnormal.

There are a lot of dads partners out there who are not interested in any of this.

And so, yes.

You know, I'm sure if Jen could go back, she'd still say, Hey, like, get involved.

Can we get you to do a little more here?

But I think it's important to, to realize that.

If the person helping you have your baby is maybe like my brother-in-law, they're not the only one like that.

They're not the only one being obstinate trying to be frustrating, annoying, refusing.

Like sometimes they're just built that way, designed that way.

Can we lean into that?

Can we change that?

Can we try to get them on board more?

Should we, yes.

But you are not the only one.

If you're going through this, or if your story sounds a little like Jen's like, I just want you to hear that.

Like not every partner's just gonna show up and wanna catch the baby.

And you know, even with education, they're not always going to wanna show up like that.

And that is a very normal.

Typical scenario too.

So just had to throw that in there because Michael is not the only one who shows up like this or really just doesn't really wanna show up at

all.

So something I think is interesting about that is, while he did not wanna, like, participate in any education or like.

Preparedness per se.

He also was really adamant that he wanted to do it alone.

He didn't want my mom to come, for the birth.

He did not want Laura to be there.

Laura was a nurse.

I'm sure we'll get into this at the hospital like where we delivered Reese.

But he did not want her, he didn't want her to be there.

Like, for him it was really important that like he did it and that like he, he knew that if my mom was there or if Laura was there, that he would.

Back off and let them do the things, because he was gonna be uncomfortable and it'd be easier to let them do it.

And so I appreciate that.

Like he knew himself enough to say like, Hey, I think everyone needs to be gone.

It'd just be you and me when we have Reese so that I can learn.

And so that I have to like rise to that occasion.

Right.

So,

yeah.

Which, I mean, I do think he knew himself well enough to know that.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Obviously it played out in like its own fun, funny ways, but, and I will say, we didn't fully fill you in on that, but I was a baby, baby nurse when Jen was pregnant, so I moved to Colorado in the fall.

I can't remember if I told y'all, but I lived, actually lived with them.

And so I started working at the hospital where she was going to deliver her baby about, I would say six, eight weeks or so before she came in to have the baby.

And so when she came in, and yes, I was working that night, I was still training as a postpartum nurse.

Mm-hmm.

So my hospital started us as postpartum nurses.

Once we got comfortable taking care of mom, baby couplets, then they started training us fully for labor as well.

So when Jen came in.

I was not her labor nurse.

I was not like fully ready to care for someone in labor on my own as a nurse yet.

I obviously got to be there and you'll hear the rest of that, but I was technically working that night.

I had three mom baby couplets.

I was finishing up my postpartum training, but I was there and that was obviously just random chance.

And it was your last

shift before you had like a few days off too.

I remember.

Like, I think

so, yes.

Because I remember going home and sleeping, but then you guys came home and it was like nice to be.

Maybe that wasn't nice for you.

I don't know.

I was home with their sweet baby in them, but anyway.

Okay.

So yes, that brings us up to basically.

Hospital starting or what happened?

I'm sure you can Yeah.

Remember some of those pre details too of getting to the hospital and why.

Yes.

I think one of the things that I remember most vividly is the drive we took to the hospital, from our house, which was like, I don't even know, five minutes max, but.

There was this very, clear feeling to Michael and I that like this was the last time it was gonna just be us.

And I, that gives me goosebumps still and I'm, oh, that almost makes me wanna cry.

But I just remember this very vivid, like, oh, we've had a good run of Michael and Jen, and now we're about to be like Michael, Jen and Reese, like a family.

And there was just something super surreal about like that drive, it was dark, it was nighttime.

When we got to the hospital, it was like right post dinner and, there was just this sweet moment of him and I in the car driving to the hospital and being like, this is the last time it'll ever just be you and I.

So I, that's just one of those things that has like stuck with me, you know, 12 years later I still can like go right back to that, that scene.

So we get to the hospital and, I guess it.

I went to triage earlier in the day because you did.

I like, I was like, it's a long time ago.

I think I was, I was wondering if you were gonna remember this part.

Because I remember this part.

I was bleeding a little bit.

Yeah.

And so we went to triage.

They like monitored me or whatever, and was like, contractions weren't really happening.

I, I wasn't dilated at all.

Maybe a one.

And they were like, nah, you're like, go home, rest.

Like, not, not time yet, you know?

And I was like, okay.

And I, so I didn't go home because.

I had stuff to do.

I was, I planned on going to work the next morning and so I went to Costco, did some grocery shopping, and then came home and made a pot of soup.

And, then I started bleeding pretty significantly.

And so I called like the triage department again and they were like, why don't you go ahead and come on in now?

Like, you know, this is something we wanna monitor.

And so that is how we ended up like coming back to the hospital.

Is that right?

Yeah, I was at work.

So it must have been like a. 7, 8, 9, like I think.

Yeah.

'cause I remember you texting and saying, Hey, I'm coming back in.

Yep.

Yeah.

After you'd spoken to the, you know, the triage nurse or whoever.

So, yeah,

so we get to the hospital, they put us in a room, but again, I still wasn't really dilated or anything and like, wasn't really feeling contractions.

Like I felt fine, I was just bleeding pretty significantly.

And so, they told us to get a good night's sleep.

They gave me Ambien to sleep, I think.

And they were like, you know, get, get some sleep and in the morning we will start Pitocin, see if we can get contractions going and deliver this baby.

So that's like whatever, Laura's there.

She worked night, so like you pretty much just come into your shift.

So you were there and, she like popped in and said hi.

Michael's trying to sleep.

My husband loves sleep so much, so he is like on the crinkly bed, you know that they pull out a little couch bed and we are lying there.

It's middle of the night and my water breaks.

And I, I, it was the loudest sound I've ever heard in my life.

I, it sounded like a gunshot.

It was like it was, and I know some people like, you don't hear anything.

Mine like exploded and my husband shot up outta bed.

And his eyes were like big as saucer.

And he was like, what was that?

And I was like, oh, I think my water just broke.

And he was like, okay.

And he like runs out of the little, our little room out into the hallway.

And thankfully Laura was like sitting at the desk charting or something.

And Laura, do you wanna tell this part because I love when you tell what he looked like when he came out.

I just,

I just still remember his face.

And obviously when his family, he probably like.

Memorialize that memory even more.

But his eyes were like saucers.

And actually, I've seen a lot of dads come out of rooms looking like that, but I think he didn't even have the words.

It was like, Ooh.

Or water.

I think her water broke.

Like he didn't know.

And it, and everyone around me, you know, my preceptor, I remember her sitting next to me and it was like, okay, we'll be right in.

You know, everyone, it's kind of that whole.

Alright.

You know, that's okay.

It's very normal.

But you forget, you don't, no one was rude, but you kind of forget, like to him, this is the biggest deal in the entire world, right?

Yes.

And then to all of us were like, great.

Okay.

Although, I will say the plan was to have Jen just sleep overnight.

Mm-hmm.

So what they had thought was that pr, she was having a little bit of an abruption.

Which is when the placenta kind of starts to separate from the uterine wall too soon, right?

It's not supposed to happen until after birth, and so it can cause some bleeding.

This was not significant.

It was not a need for immediate delivery, but that was why they thought, Hey, well when your OB gets here in the morning, we'll start inducing you 'cause you are abrupting a little bit it looks like.

So let's get this baby delivered.

And so.

In, you gotta give, like, I give Mike A. Little credit.

The the plan of care was, you guys sleep, everything will start in the morning.

So I'm sure his brain was thinking like, this is not supposed to be happening.

They told us to go to sleep, you know?

And so I think it was kind of that more like, oh shoot, it really is happening now too.

And so Jen obviously had just taken these sleeping pills and then our water breaks, and so it wasn't exactly what was supposed to happen, which that's birth right.

So anyways, yeah, you can keep going.

So water broke, they came in, cleaned me up 'cause like my water broke like a fricking river, like the real grande came out and, got cleaned up.

And then you, it's, I mean, labor generally is like a lot of like, hurry up and wait, hurry up and wait.

And so like, okay, my water broke, but still like, didn't really have significant contractions, wasn't really feeling any pain.

And so like.

Okay, go ahead and like, try and rest some more, you know.

And so my husband goes back asleep, no problem for him.

And I'm lying there and I, have to go to the bathroom, right?

And so I am feeling great on my own.

I get up, go to the bathroom and I poop.

And like start shaking.

All of a sudden, like my body is shaking and I'm like, oh, something is happening.

Like this feels weird.

So I called the nurse and she was like, you're not supposed to go to the ba.

Like I wasn't supposed to go poop on my own, whatever.

All these things that I didn't take any birth classes, I just was taking care of my business.

And so that was like my transition and like from that moment on, it was the most like.

To me, it was so rapid fire and so quick, like I went from no contractions feeling a hundred percent fine really to being like, oh, we're gonna have a baby.

Like this is really happening.

So I, I had wanted an epidural, and I'll say again, I'm old.

I had my baby a long time ago, and like, I didn't have like a real birth plan.

Like I, most people now go in with like a birth plan and you've got your music and you've got your thing.

I had none of that.

Like, we had no plan.

I just wanted to have a baby.

I was just gonna have a baby, you know?

She didn't even have a name.

We didn't even know what we were gonna name her.

And so I, I wasn't like tied fast and loose to.

Not having an epidural or having an epidural or delivering in a bathtub or standing, like, I didn't care.

I had no plan.

And so I was like, that's why there's nurse.

They're gonna tell me what to do and I'm just gonna do what they tell me.

Right.

Not the first woman to walk into that space with that intention.

I'm sure.

Mindset.

Not at all.

And so I get back in bed, I labored in bed the whole time, and I had.

The dearest labor and delivery nurse, her name was Lindsay.

I still, I would, I recognize her on the street still to this day.

And she was gonna be like my Sherpa, like guiding me through, contractions and like.

This is where it's going to get good guys how to breathe.

Because literally, I didn't take Lamaze classes.

I don't think they call 'em that anymore, but whatever you guys call them now, that's what my brain remembers, the math.

I didn't take those.

My sister knows so much about what I

do,

guys, you know?

Just kidding.

I only had one baby also.

I didn't get law practice at this.

And so it like, at this point.

Well, you got an epidural.

Oh yeah.

Oh my god.

I did.

So I got an epidural.

I wanted an epidural.

It's like two in the morning probably at this point.

Yeah.

And I wish Michael was here to tell this part because I love the way he tells the story, so.

The gentleman who came in to give me his epidural, I do remember his name, but I'll give him some, an anonymity right now.

I know I probably shouldn't

say it.

No.

He, came in to give me my epidural and he had been asleep because it's nighttime, like their work, they're on call or whatever, you know.

And Michael tells it.

I didn't see it, but Michael tells it.

He walked in and he was like, like big yawn, like just waking himself up.

Wa as he walks into my room and then.

Like that needle, apparently I didn't see it again, but apparently it's pretty big.

And you know, so Michael was like, this guy's going to put that needle in.

My wife's back.

Like, he's not even awake.

What's happening here?

So, thankfully I'm oblivious to this 'cause like I'm just in my own body at this point, you know?

And so get my epidural that like, not a big deal, like, you know.

Got epidural laid back down in bed.

At this point I was dilated like pretty significantly I feel like, if I remember correctly.

And just kind of waiting for a contraction to come, to start pushing.

Is that Yes.

Sound right?

You know, I don't fully remember when I was allowed to come in 'cause things changed and Oh, I remember then you guys decided.

So maybe you can tell that part.

I just know that it was so quick.

Right.

And so like she said, you went from.

You know, the assumption was not really dilated to water broke.

Okay.

That means something's happening.

And then, all of a sudden it was like she's shaking, pooping, like these are signs of transition for a first time mother.

We're talking about like, an hour has transpired, you know?

And so I think it was more, I don't know how dilated you were, but it was clear like, we're not gonna make it till morning for the doctor to get here, type thing.

Like, something's, something's happening really fast here.

And so.

I dunno if you remember when you decided like I could come in or.

Issues getting real or whatever.

So

I think points that were, it was when like we were gonna start pushing.

So probably like right around that epidural point like that had happened and then I was, it was like, oh, we're having a baby like soon.

And they like called the on-call doctor, like no one was in.

Yeah.

So they had like call whoever was on call, which of course was not my doctor.

'cause that's the way it always seems to work.

Right.

And Lindsay, my nurse is like getting me set up in bed to push and, you know, like they pull your knees up like this again.

Very like OG style birth, I feel like, like pull your knees up to your chest and your husband holds one.

And I think that is when my husband was like, actually didn't sign up for this.

I'm out.

Can Laura come in and help us out here?

No,

for the audience, she's throwing up peace signs.

'cause her husband peaced out.

Bye.

Yeah.

I think that was like more of any of my body he ever wanted to like be up close and personal with.

He did not wanna, he was afraid.

I think he was afraid.

He, I really think he was afraid he would pass out.

And I did not want that to be his story.

And so at this point they let, I'm like, yes, Laura, like, we're, yes, Laura can come in.

'cause they were like really respectful of our privacy.

Like Laura wasn't my nurse, they knew she was my sister, but like it was my choice.

Like did I want her to be part of our story and if so, she was like, she wasn't working because there's, I'm sure some legalities or whatever around that.

Like, she came in just to be like my, she was like my support person because my husband was not able to be my support person, at that point.

And so.

It comes time to push and I don't know how to, I don't understand how to breathe.

This is, we're gonna laugh a lot here.

I could not like you.

Everything's happening so fast and you feel panicky and like there, all this is changing in your body and people are talking to you and there's so much going on around you.

And so Lindsay is.

I don't even know if I can remember how to do it now, to be really honest with you.

But Lindsay's telling me how to breathe, like the hold in a breath, and then push like bear down and push, right?

And I was like, okay.

I'm like shaking my head like, yes, yes, I understand.

I got it.

And then she'd be like, okay, contraction.

You know, take a big breath and push.

And I would take a breath.

I'd take a big breath in and then I wouldn't hold it.

I'd just, I'd blow it out like a horse, like horse lips.

Like that's literally like what I remember, she'd be like, Jen, you hold your breath and push.

Do you understand?

And I'd be like, yeah, yeah, I get it.

She's like, okay, push.

And I'd breathe in big, big breath and I'd just blow it all out, like over and over.

And I swear, I'm sure Lindsay was like, what?

Like.

Out of, I was out of my mind.

I just didn't, I just didn't know.

Okay.

But here's actually the funny part too, is there's the type of pushing that's coach, pushing, guided, pushing, like what you're talking about.

Like hold your breath, you know, and push and bear down.

And there actually is the other, which is what you were doing, not, I would say you weren't doing it effectively, but it is, it's like breathing your baby down.

Now, could you have gotten to there where you were?

Yeah.

Like.

That's what, if we're teaching that type of breathing it is, it's like, no, you breathe them out.

You actually do like horse lips.

Breathing is a real, it's a real breathing style.

Look at you.

You were, so I think it's funny because.

It at the time.

It was hilarious.

I feel like even in that moment you somehow knew that you weren't doing anything effective, but you also were doing a a, a breathing pushing style that a lot of people wanna try.

Is this like down breathing?

I think.

You didn't know all the nuance.

You hadn't practiced whatever.

No.

So it was just comical.

'cause you just thought, I'm doing great, aren't I?

And everyone was like, well, nothing's really going on.

Isn't that

fucking how our bodies know?

Like even with no, like yes.

Even if it wasn't what I was supposed to do or like what Lindsay was coaching, you're breathing to do.

Like my body on some level knew like that this will make it happen.

Breathe during this contraction.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Even if the technique was questionable.

It was good.

So I've got Laura on one knee.

I've got Lindsay on the other knee, and my husband is hovering really kind of like in the hallway outside the door.

And I remember the charge nurse, I cannot remember her name, right.

It was my

preceptor.

Yeah, your preceptor.

Yeah.

And I vividly remember her grabbing Michael and like pushing him into the room and be like, your daughter is going to be born, like you need to get in there.

And he still, he was like ahead of the bed guy, like he is back here.

He doesn't wanna be down here.

But he, so like, she pushed him in and I'm glad he did.

Like he would've stayed out there until, until the bitter end, you know?

But he got her in, or she got him in there.

And honestly, I had a really easy, delivery.

I pushed, I had like three real pushes.

And Reese was born, she was eight pounds, one ounce.

Really beautiful cone head.

She came out like fast and furious, not a lot of time, I think, in the birth canal.

Like, so, everything just like, whew.

She came out so quick.

And Michael did not wanna catch her.

Michael did not catch her.

And they did ask him to cut the umbilical cord, which I do believe he ended up doing, but not without like great dismay.

I think, he would've chosen not to, but I perhaps he felt a little pressure, which good for him.

So he did cut our umbilical cord, you know, now, 12 years later, I've been like, oh, don't cut that umbilical cord.

Let her stay here for an hour.

But we didn't know those things then.

And so, cut the cord.

She, and, you know, then you're all of a sudden you're a family of three.

Like we had talked like just in like a breath, you go from Jen and Michael to like, oh, like there's three of us now.

And then, you know, all of that like fun post burst stuff, like gotta get the placenta out and, I did tear.

She came so fast.

Oh, I wanna say this because I know you don't get a gold star for like.

Having a know medicated birth and all that jazz, but also, so I got my epidural, but Reese was born like within an hour of getting that epidural.

And I, it was not like that epidural had not really kicked in.

So like when she went to stitch me up, I so clearly remember her like going to stitch my tear and being like, I can feel that.

And the doctor saying, no, you can't.

You had an epidural.

And I was like, yes, I can.

Like, I can feel that.

And so then they had to, you know.

Is it Novocaine?

It's the same as a dentist,

probably.

Lidocaine.

Lidocaine.

That's what we were using.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

So

they, you know, so then I get a, and I was able to like, get up out of bed and go to the bathroom and stuff.

There was no like, long, like I was not immobile, by any means.

Like from a. You know, that epidural and, yeah.

Stitched me up and that was pretty much like, it, it was really uneventful, from like the birth side of things.

Yeah.

From that point forward, anything you'd add.

Yeah, well, I just think a lot about our mom had, there's three of us girls, I have a younger sister as well.

We have a younger sister as well, and my mom had babies very well, if that's the right vocabulary to use.

She had massive babies.

We were all almost 10 pounds and she.

I say that especially, 'cause she was like five four, right?

She was little and so she was a very tiny person, but she had all of us unmedicated really fast, like in theory, easy labors.

But I mean, they did a number on her too and you know, she had a episiotomies and all of that, like they did back in the eighties.

But I do, I felt like Jen was the first of us to have kids and I felt like, you know, looking back, reflecting, thinking your birth.

Was probably similar to moms, right?

Like for whatever reason you had genetics like mom, where your body was just made to birth babies.

Now I do think your placental abruption, they can often, the body's like, Hey, let's have this baby.

There's something going on.

So there was probably a little bit of that going on, but for a first birth to move that fast, that quickly.

I mean, that's faster than normal.

So if anything, if you were like outside of normal, it would be that it went so darn fast, which I think is a really good thing for us to know.

Typically, first babies don't come that fast, but we do need to be prepared for what are we gonna do if it goes that quick, or what choices do we wanna make?

Or like, what if I don't have six hours of contractions before I decide about my epidural?

You know?

And so I think if anything for you, it was.

It was almost nice though that you didn't have this big, massive plan in your head.

'cause your body was like, no, no, no, no, no time for that.

We're just having this baby.

So it's such a weird, funky balance of these are the ways I hope it will go.

These are the way the book says, it'll go.

These are the ways it went.

'cause my body was in charge, you know?

So I just remember thinking like, Ooh, Jen's built to have babies.

Like mom is, at the time, our mom was still alive.

So it felt like, yeah, like okay, you've got whatever mom's got in there.

'cause you just popped that eight and a half pound baby out, like pretty darn easily all things considered.

Mm-hmm.

I totally, I would agree with that.

And I look back now and.

Women talk about contractions and how painful they are.

I couldn't tell you what a contraction felt like it all was.

So like, I don't remember.

Like a pain like that.

The belly getting rock hard.

Like every, like my body wanted to push.

Oh, I remember.

The doctor wasn't here yet and they told me not to push yet.

Mm-hmm.

Like, wait, wait.

There's no doctor, like, don't push and like.

When your body is ready to push and expel that baby.

Like there was no, I'm like, you could cross my legs all you want.

Like my body is doing, like I don't have to tell my body to push like this was happening.

And I was, yeah, I mean the ba I don't even was, the doctor wasn't even gowned up.

She was like in a sweatshirt and.

She was sleeping too.

So they come in and put that blue gown on, but I don't, yeah, she was still in her sweatshirt.

I remember who it was.

Yeah, I remember we'll withhold her name as well.

Yeah.

But yeah, just she seemed grumpy too.

Yeah.

Sorry I woke you up for my free, everybody was free delivery, but you know, wasn't planning on it either.

Yeah, she was a couple days early.

Yeah.

But that's true what you said though.

Like, we laugh about how, you know, quote unquote badly, you were breathing, but your body just kind of was delivering your baby.

Totally.

Which is a real thing.

You know, there's that fetal ejection reflex, there's some different Ferguson reflex, these things that kick in.

You can't stop those.

And obviously clinically, a lot of times we say, Hey, hang on, the provider's not here, but I, I mean.

I don't really love that in general.

And also you can't, like your body was gonna pop that baby girl out no matter what

nature

we gave you.

Ambien, we weren't planning on it.

Like it didn't matter, you know?

Yeah.

It was gonna happen, which is awesome.

Yeah.

I mean, it's, it's actually really beautiful to see all that happening underneath, you know, the clinical part or whatever else was going on.

Yep.

So, okay.

What about, going into postpartum, any little things about, you know, breastfeeding for the first time or postpartum, that kind of stuff?

Breastfeeding again, like no classes.

I'm thankful I had Laura as like a l and d nurse who had like, some experience, and had like you had some education more than I did.

Yeah.

As a nurse, not as, and I was the one who they just gave a baby to.

And, I, but I, breastfeeding was really important to me.

Something that I really like, looked forward to and wanted to do.

And so, I, I feel like my milk was slow to come in.

I remember this.

But my boobs were huge when they did.

I was so engorged.

They were so big and so painful.

And then Reese, I feel like she took to nursing pretty easy.

It was painful.

Like I'm sure our latch wasn't perfect in the beginning.

I can remember like.

Like getting terrible scabs, like on my nipples.

Mm-hmm.

Ugh.

So painful.

I, my toes still curl right this minute, like, thinking of like that first latch.

It was like a tough, it was a challenging like start, and I remember like the lactation consultant came in and like tried, you know, they tried to help and teach you and.

You know, gave us some pointers.

'cause again, I had had no, like, education beforehand except for like what I had read.

But we, I'm really grateful we were able to nurse until she quit.

She quit on me at 14 months and I was so sad.

But she was a, she was really distracted, nurser, and she finally just was like, I'm too busy.

I don't wanna do this anymore.

And so she.

She was done just like that one day, like no pomp and circumstance.

She just decided I'm not doing this anymore.

But that was fine postpartum.

I worked full-time before we had Reese, and so I had, you know, 90 days of FMLA or whatever, post her birth.

And so my husband,

works in college athletics.

He, pretty much has our whole marriage and of course, got pregnant and had a baby during football season, which is by far the busiest time of the year for him work-wise.

And he also was.

Not super comfortable, like with a newborn baby.

Or, or a baby period, actually.

And, that makes me think back.

There's this picture of him.

It's like they gave her a bath, you know, right after you have him.

And there's this picture of him holding her.

I know you know it.

And he's holding her like so far away from his body.

It's like not cradled against his chest.

He's got her in his arms.

He looks so young.

Number one was a long time ago, and so like scared, but also like the sweetest look at his face too.

Mm-hmm.

As he like held his little daughter.

But also like no idea like what to do or how to do any of it.

And so he was supposed to be off of work for a week.

But he ended up wanting to go to back to work like on day three after we got home.

'cause he was like, I'm bored.

There's nothing for me to do here.

Like, I just would rather go to work, which tracks for like our whole life.

So he went back to work and he actually did, I think, do you remember when we left?

So originally he wanted like a week of just us at home without my mom.

And you were gonna stay at Kelvin's, I think, to like give us that time.

Actually, I remem you were not gonna stay at home.

And he just, I think it was like the first day we were at home.

He is like, so your mom can come if you want.

Like, it'd be okay if she comes now.

And so my mom came like that next day or whatever.

And so that first little bit, like there wasn't this, there wasn't this like super romantic, like just becoming a family at home moments, like staying in bed together and whatever.

Like, no.

Oh, this is good.

We've already established that my husband really like sleep is really important to him.

And like I understand that and so I make sure to like protect that for him.

Right.

So I had this beautiful cradle that had belonged to us as a child that my dad had repainted for us, like refinish it and painted it and it lived in our bedroom right next to the bed.

'Cause I, I didn't wanna co-sleep, but I wanted her close, you know, and that first night was really easy.

We only stayed in the hospital for one day.

We like came home the next day.

They're pretty sleepy.

Like they're not really awake and like ready to be in the world yet, you know?

And so the first night was like, oh, not too bad.

Noisy.

Like mucusy noisy, like just their breathing is loud and stuff.

But like, not like crying all night.

We weren't up a bunch.

I was like, well this is not so bad.

And then like she woke up like night two, three, and I think it was either the second or the third night that Michael was like, she can't stay in our room anymore.

And I was like, what?

And he was like, she's too noisy and I can't sleep like the baby, like you have to put her in the nursery at night.

And so we that, so if we did that, which like looking back, I could have held, I wish I had held a firmer boundary and been like, hi.

My body is like in significant recovery.

Also, I exclusively breast spread in the beginning.

So like there wasn't anything for him to do.

And so I should have been like, you can go sleep in the guest room, but like, the baby's gonna stay here with me.

But I didn't do that.

So, Reese moved into her nursery at like two days old.

And that is where she took all of her naps and slept.

Like where we didn't like, that's that, like she moved into her room at two days and that's where she stayed, pretty much forever since.

So yeah, like obviously huge transition.

But also simple.

I think it's how like if I look back at it, like it was challenging and it was hard, and I remember.

Calling my dear friend Betsy in the middle of like late, late night.

She had a baby just a couple months ahead of me.

And being like, my nipples hurt so bad, my boobs hurt so bad, like, what do I do?

And she, it was late at night and she had a baby and she came to my house with like, balm and like all the things and like tried to talk me through like pumping and all like, you know, just like mom's throwing up for moms.

Like even though she had her baby at home, she was like, I gotta go take care of this right now.

And so she showed up and you know, tried to walk me through that.

And, but otherwise, I mean, the first little bit is hopefully just kind of the bliss of like, you're feeding, you're sleeping, you're taking care of like the house and the things that still are like going on around you because even though it feels like your whole world should have shift and stopped when you have a baby, it also didn't, right?

Like everything is still happening outside of the door.

And so we just settled, like I feel like pretty quickly we settled into a little rhythm.

The three of us.

That postpartum period, like breastfeeding was challenging, but like worked through it and mm-hmm.

Other than that, I feel like transition wise felt pretty, pretty.

Okay.

Yeah, it seemed the same from the outside.

And now having been a mother, I'm realizing, oh, there was probably so many questions that I should have asked you.

Or like, you know, to me I'm like, they're doing great.

But I will say it did feel like you got your feet under you quickly, and the three of you just figured out your new routine.

I mean, when you went back to work, I don't think you wanted to, but I think that you've.

Figured it out.

Well, if that makes sense.

You know, you, you knew how to pump and you knew how to manage your schedule and your routine and how to, you know, manage whatever you did or didn't have to show up for, for Mike and its job, like from my side, it felt like you stepped into it really well.

And I do remember you brought up Betsy, but I do remember that little small group of women you had, you all were having babies at the same time.

And so while you were talking about Betsy, I just thought like, that to me was.

An incredible example of the power of community when you have a child.

Yeah.

Like you found that and you cultivated that and you guys were, were all friends.

So you guys did the work to create that.

It's not like it just happens for all of us.

It doesn't, and I wish it did, but I could see like.

How it impacted you becoming a mother and having those people around you.

So it was a really cool example of seeing that, and I, I saw it as your sister, and then now that I'm older, I can look back and now that I've had children, I can look back and think, wow, Jen was super lucky to have that in that season because clearly you had people literally showing up for you at night, and that's, that's what we need, but most of us don't have it.

And so I'm so glad you had that then.

Yeah, I think that's an interesting call out.

So we left Colorado six months after Reese was born for my husband's job and moved to, Oregon, where we didn't know anybody.

We'd never been there.

And I, like 12 years later, I still grieve the loss of that community of women.

Yeah.

Because they were, instrumental.

And like navigating pregnancy, like, no, I didn't have an education or like a, I didn't go to any birthing classes or whatever, but like I heard their bo birth stories and I watched them become moms and like I lived, I like lived that experience with them in some ways.

And so like that was my education.

And then also I think that there is something so.

Formative about the people that watch you become a parent.

Like I talked about in the very beginning, that car ride when it was like, this is the last time it's us, Michael, like we're a family after this.

And it was same for those people.

Like they knew us as Michael and Jen, and then they knew us as like a family and they got to see that transition and that change in, in both of us and in our relationship.

And, when we moved away from those friends, that like group of people.

I grieved it for a really long time, and I think I worked my, like every, we've lived in six states since then and like I've tried to recreate that on some level every time, but like there was something about the experience of having a baby with them.

Like formed a relationship that's different than like knowing my preschooler and building a fam a relationship with us.

And, and I, I still am like really close to one of them and we still talk.

And, Betsy, I love her dearly.

And she is still like an, a huge part of my life, even though there's distance that still separates us.

But I, there's just something so formative and beautiful about the relationships that get to see.

Your transition into like motherhood and parenthood.

They're special.

Yeah, for sure.

They're all right.

That was perfect.

Thanks.

I love hearing that story.

I could hear it over and over and over again, and I do.

I love those friends for you.

I love seeing them show up for you.

It's really, yeah.

It's what every, I wish everybody had going into what you were going into at that point, so, yeah.

Okay.

Total topic switch, but I like to ask everyone this.

I didn't warn you because I don't wanna warn people.

Tell me one thing, the first thing that comes into your brain right now, the one thing that's like sparking joy for you in your life.

Big, small diet Coke, trash books, you're reading anything.

The, the one thing sparking joy in my life right now is sunshine.

I've lived in the Pacific Northwest for the vast majority of my life.

April is like a terrible month if you live in the p and w. But here in Pasadena, California, the sun is shining.

I sat outside by my pool for hours yesterday, like this is, I take a lot of my work meetings on my outside deck.

The sunshine has given me life in a way that I did not know I ever needed.

And now I can't imagine ever living without, like every morning I open my eyes and it's like sunshine streaming through the windows.

And man, that is very life-giving.

Not just to me, but like to my family, in this season.

So yeah,

I love that for you.

I also think it means you're getting old and you wanna be one of those snowbird people or whatever they're called.

Just

getting old people.

That could be totally accurate, but

I'll just text you when it snows here again in Colorado.

But I'm not surprised.

That's your answer.

Hard

pass.

Yeah.

Alright, Jen, if anyone wanted to reach out to you and ask you about your birth or whatever, is there somewhere they can do that?

Yeah, you can find me on Instagram.

My handle is, it's Jen rba.

No.

Apostrophes or hyphenations?

JENN.

Rba.

I don't know.

Do you want me to spell that out?

Will you just put it in the comments?

I'll put it in the show notes

for

you guys

too.

Yeah, you can find me on Instagram.

I will tell you my profile is private because like this cool thing that happened is my daughter hit middle school this year and all of a sudden all her middle school friends.

We're like creeping on my Instagram and I didn't like it.

And so, I made it private to keep the middle schoolers out.

But you are welcome to follow me if you want.

I share a lot about motherhood.

I share about, I, I post pretty regularly, a lot about motherhood, what we're cooking, how we're making it through the day.

And you'll see a lot of sunshine because really it is life giving to me here, and I spend a lot of time soaking it up.

So,

yeah, and we'll probably bring her back on to talk about having middle schoolers 'cause she's the one who's teaching me what to do with all of my kids 'cause she's a few years ahead of me.

So anyways, guys,

babies don't keep, and man, I know everyone tells you that.

And if I could like, you know, if I could go back and like, soak in anything, I would hold my baby longer.

I would let her sleep on my chest.

It would not have ruined her sleep habits.

And I would relish the opportunity to pick out her clothes every day because, she's 12 years old now and looks like, I mean, like pajama pants are acceptable for school nowadays, but man, I used to dress her so dang cute.

But really, if you could, if I could bottle up and keep any age, it's age four and five.

To me that was the most magical, magical.

Season of parenting ever.

Middle school is magical and fun and also really wicked hard.

But man, H four and five is like the magic sauce for sure.

So.

Okay.

Well thanks for making me cry right at the end.

Yeah, yeah.

Love you.

Love you too.

Thanks for having me.

Bye.

Yep.

Bye.

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